As time goes by
by pandakurage
Summary: Mello has Matt as backup and that's more than enough.But a certain someone shows up to make his life impossible,yet easier to bear with it.A strange friendship,a strange way of things to happen.Even if Mello doesn't believe it,maybe the person he thinks of as a (sometimes useful)nuisance is the person who's going to be what he needs.Mello x OC.(Lemons in future chaps,don't hate me)
1. Life will heal itself

**Life will fix itself**

_Introduction…!_

_So…these are like different life stages of Mello…mostly before he got to Wammy's and when he is in Wammy's. Maybe it's a little bit confusing from the begging but I believe as the story goes by things get clearer._

_The first two chapters are about Mello's, Matt's and my oc's time in Wammy's so…these chapters have a little bit of angst in them, but after these first two things start to get better and there's some comedy relief so…yeah, I don't know what else to say…I wrote this when i was half-asleep..._

_Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Death Note characters and I'm poor as rat even though I write this, which means this doesn't earn me any money_

He knew that if he only managed to stay silent for long enough, no one would find him when he was concealed in his room. His heart pounded erratically, and he desperately tried to quell the harsh gasps of breath that escaped his swollen lips. His grimy fingers quavered as the gripped the shirt that covered his thin, worn body, pulling it closer around his shivering frame. His hands then made their way to the papers scattered in his desk, his fingers balling into fists grazing those meaningless papers that carried his future. He wanted to rip everything apart.

His eyelids slid wearily closed, forcing the gathering overflow of tears on the edge of his eyes reluctantly back. He could not cry, they must not find him. The young Mello had hoped to escape the memories and hide in the darkness, but he was assaulted with remembrance. It was as if his body could still feel greedy, desperate fingers clenching down hard onto his wrists, tearing at his skin in licentious impatience. They were too strong for such a small boy as him, wrenching apart, casually defiling the last shred that he had had to call himself.

The sight of those grades written in crimson red always reminded him what he was never going to be…

A choked sob wracked its way from his body, but he quickly bit down on his lip, ignoring the bitter taste of blood seeping into his mouth. He must not be heard, he must not be seen in this state. It was useless as he tried to dam the flow of images through his feeble consciousness with no avail. He clutched himself tighter, trying to ignore the burning of bile in his throat and swallowing it back down.

He wanted frantically to just bursts out in tears, but he couldn't allow himself to begin crying. If someone saw him, they'd see how much of a failure he truly was. He didn't want anyone to know this hidden side of him. If he did then he would never be able to be who he truly wanted through his own eyes, they would just see him for the disgrace he was, just the same way he saw himself. It was more than the twelve year old could handle.

:-:-:

-"Mello, why do you think you react that way?" the irksome voice grated into his thoughts

Mello clenched his teeth tight together, hating the sound of his name on her lipstick-ed lips, despising her condescending tone, her prim and proper attitude, and those infuriating eyes that calculated his every movement, mannerism, and word he spoke. He loathed being assigned to this woman who called herself his psychiatrist.

His lip curled in distaste, and the teenager didn't bother to answer her question. It was all she did, ask question after question, picking apart his answers and making him feel as if he were saying the wrong things. The way she would purse her lips, tilt her pretty little head, scratch her fancy pen against her lavish writing pad's surface in irritancy, almost as if she were disappointed in his answers.

Instead he turned his head, taking in her extravagant office, scoffing at the various knickknacks that littered her desk and her shelves, the books sitting dustily on shelves looking as if they had never been touched, and the assortment of expensive chocolates that sat in a small crystal dish on the front of her oak desk. She in turn watched the thirteen year old genius, taking in his odd assortment of black, necklace, and miscellaneous "gothic" paraphernalia as she liked to call it. With slight amusement her eyes lingered on blonde perfectly cut hair and the tracings of dark shadows under his eyes that almost resembled makeup on his features that accentuated the light blue color of his eyes.

-"We aren't going to be able to fix you if you don't open up to me" she drawled lazily, setting her pen and pad back down on her neat and organized desk. Her fingers brushed lightly against the surface of the wood, hands drifting to reorganize a stack of stiff white papers to her left.

-"I do not need to be fixed. I'm not broken" his deep voice stated suddenly, startling the woman at first.

Soon, a small smile broke out on her lips, a triumphant glint in her eyes.

-"Then tell me, when did this first begin?"

-:-:-:-

-"Mihael!" her shrill voice screeched

He flinched instinctively, his fingers clutching the fabric of his shirt. He felt disgraceful tears gather rapidly in his frightened eyes. He hadn't meant to break it. It had been so beautiful. He would never destroy something like that.

He had seen his mother gazing in her small ornate pocket mirror often. It was a treasured heirloom of her family, one of the only things she had left from her shamble of a childhood. She had looked mesmeric, a sparkle in her blue eyes that he had never glimpsed before, and a serene, pleasant expression covering her typically harsh features. She had radiated a presence of contentment and adolescence, something that had completely transformed her from a young starving mother into a young woman with her own goals.

Being only six years old, his thoughts were simplistic. He wished to glimpse into that mirror's surface, just once, to let its magic aura surround his body too. He wanted it to turn him into something that his mother could come to love and care for.

-"what did you do to my mirror?!" her voice shook the thin walls of the house, bringing the boy back to the terrifying reality.

He watched as frustrated tears worked their way down his mother's worn face, her cracked lips trembling in misery, the shards of her mirror clenched tight in her hands.

-"why did you have to break it?" her voice was soft now, her eyes glazed over in faraway thoughts.

Guilt screamed through his body. He had caused her pain again. He had taken away her beauty.

-"I'm sorry, mommy, I'm sorry" his small voice chanted out, clutching his shirt tighter in his hands

-"Shut up. Shut up! SHUT UP!" her voice bellowed out louder and louder, and she threw the shards of glass from her hands in disgust, turning her face from the blubbering mess that she was forced to call her child.

His lips trembled and he cried out in pain when one of the small shards grazed by his cheek. He had broken it, he had broken her. His eyes looked at her in desperation, his fingers fumbling frantically for the broken pieces, not caring that they dug harshly into his skin.

-"Don't worry, mommy. I'll fix it…I'll fix you…"

His cheek stung in sudden agony as she backhanded him. Before he had time to register what had occurred, he felt himself be shoved roughly against something hard, the corner of the wall jabbing painfully into his side.

-"Don't you ever say that again! I'm not broken!"

His head spun dangerously as he gasped, unable to stop his tears from streaming down his face. His eyes slid silently closed, refusing to gaze at his mother any longer, refusing to acknowledge her rage, her ugliness. No, his mother was always beautiful.

-"You ungrateful fuck, you're the one who needs fixing" she murmured, choking on her words.

She turned her head away from the sight before reaching forward and bringing the trembling mess into her arms.

Her hateful voice had soften a degree, her rough hands running through the young boy's hair in almost a comforting manner.

-"You're such an ugly child. I don't know what to do with you."

Her hand stopped its stroking and reached down to roughly grab his chin and force him to look up into her red-rimmed eyes.

-"Stop your crying. You know I hate those tears" she scolded, rubbing at his eyes with the sleeve of her shirt

He gazed fearfully at her for a second before hysterically clinging to her shirt, his entire body aching from the sobs that he longed to release. One day maybe he would be able to earn her love.

It wasn't that he had asked for much. He hadn't thought it'd been such a huge request. Just a little kind word here or there, just a little touch of familiarity and encouragement. He had just…wanted to gain a little of her love, so why had it been so hard?

-"you look just like your father"

Then why wouldn't she love him?

-"I hate him. That bastard, you're like him too"

He just wanted to close his eyes and let the darkness that surrounded him disappear.

-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-

-"I have nothing to say to you" Mello finally spoke, determined not to give into her inquisition. He doubted that this lady would care anyway, she was way to absorbed in herself, in her appearance, in her things, and in pretending to be some sort of miracle worker that could automatically fix other people's lives when in reality she was just here to drain away their money. Mello could care less how much cash Roger wasted on this.

He watched her sigh before her eyes glanced over at the clock.

- "Well, Mello, our time is up. I expect you to be ready to talk come our next session" her stern voice had little effect

Mello stood, letting his bangs fall and cover his dismal face. Vexation was engrained in his stature, his fist balled tightly at his sides and his teeth gritted tightly together. He shouldn't be here right now, wasting his time. He couldn't believe that they actually thought this would 'fix' him. She just didn't understand anything about him. She didn't understand anything besides her own egomaniacal wishes. He couldn't figure out why these people always insisted on trying to change him when it was already too late. They would just have to stand the person he had become.

His feet made heavy thumps as he crossed the swanky carpet, his fingers closing gratefully around the smooth metal of the doorknob. He was prepared to turn to the key to freedom when her slick voice cut through him like a knife.

-"Your mother, she was a bad woman, right?" she asked, hesitating with the tip of her pen poised at the edge of one red lip

His answer was so soft she barely caught it.

-"No, she was the exact opposite"

-:-:-:-:-:-

-"You are not leaving this place and that's final" the usually saccharine voice of Roger commanded harshly

The unruly teenager glowered contemptuously at the man that stood in front of him. His usually soft brownish-black* eyes were clouded over in what Mello could recognize as genuine concern for his well-being.

-"I want you to pursue your dreams, but I also want you to get some education first, you know, as a safeguard. Besides, Mello, you know both you and Near will be able to become even better than L if you work together" he continued, his voice sounding strained, exasperation exemplified in his every jerky movement

-"Or in other words you don't think I can do it. And don't bring L into this…don't try to compare him with me and Near. You might know a lot, Roger, but you certainly don't know to respect the dead or other's decisions. You might control others as much as you want, but I'm not going to be one more little soldier in your army of idiots" he muttered, irritated by old man's obstinate nature (Both of them were a lot alike in ways he'd rather not ponder about)

It wasn't that he didn't understand his refusal, but damn if he was going to just listen to what this old man told him to do. He had hardly known him for all these years he's been living in Wammy's, a complete stranger upon the arrival, and he hardly had any respect for what he wanted. Besides, he wasn't going to be here long either.

Roger, Quillish Wammy's friend and affiliate and now substitute, was actually quite an agreeable and reasonable man. He was one of the only people he somewhat earned Mello's trust since his mother…Well, he didn't like talking about what happened to her. Ever since the incident he'd seen his fair share of new houses, strangers that take him in here and there, expecting things out of him that he wasn't capable or willing to give but only to end up back in Wammy's, where he was supposed to belong. These people could throw their money around, try to get him help, try to turn him into a 'proper young man', but it never made a difference. He wasn't one to change his nature to please another. He liked being grumpy, anti-social and gluttonous. He didn't care if it annoyed them, if they gave him away to different people. A stranger was a stranger to him, it didn't matter if they changed faces or names, he'd never recognize them as his family. That's why he was surprised he hadn't been kicked out of there and now being begged to stay.

Roger loved him dearly. He took every chance that he could in the past months to make it clear to the boy. Mello continually scoffed at his affection, pushing him away, but Roger didn't seem to mind. It was odd, hardly knowing him and having him constantly doing things for Mello, paying attention to him, taking interests in his activities. It was to the point of being annoying to Mello, but there was one thing that almost tugged Mello's reluctant heart into trusting him. He actually encouraged the one thing that held him together in this crazy world, his dream of becoming someone like L. He fully intended on quitting his sham of a "schooling" and finding himself his own way to get L's place and catch his murderer, getting away from all this pointless institution and try to make the one person that gave some meaning to his life proud.

Maybe Mello would have had a chance to grow a fondness for the stubborn man who seemed to wriggle his way into the boy's life, but it would all be ending soon. Mello had developed a disliking for Wammy's ever since he got the news he'd have to work with Near. The boy loathed everything about that white-haired strange genius, his way of talking, his clothes, his attitude, even his lack of friends (Mello knew he wasn't one to talk since he himself only had two people he could call friends). Near didn't much care for Mello despite all that, even though the blonde found every excuse he could to blame something bad on the younger. Near never denied the accusations because, well, he cared less what others said about him.

-"it hardly matters anyway" Mello stated matter-of-factly, returning from his unpleasant reverie

He quickly reached his pocket to snag one of the chocolate bars he'd been keeping, sticking it in his mouth.

- "I'm just going to find a way to accomplish the things I want without any of you moron's help. That's how it'll be. Then I can prove myself and all of you I am able to stand on my own feet"

Roger scowled paternally at him, his lips pursing like they usually did when he felt exceptionally ornery.

-"watch your language, and don't act like I want to give you up" his tone had grown even harsher, but Mello could sense the strain of melancholy in it

- "Near, just…well…Forgive him, he doesn't mean any harm. He's just…He's not like you at all but you can get along well and create better things than you could each separated"

Mello rolled his eyes and muttered under his breath, but knew better than to comment. The man had no clue he was talking about a complete weird prick, and he was in complete denial. Whatever, it wasn't his duty to disillusion him. But, he gazed up at him.

Mello shifted uncomfortably, feeling a quiet tension rise in the air. It seemed to swallow the dilapidated office. It soaked deep into the titles hanging on the wall scrubbed by numerous hands and into the flickering ceiling lights that shined down on their heads from above.

Abruptly, he sighed, using his hand to support his head breaking the tension.

-"I received a letter today…for you. L wrote it before he died" Mello couldn't help but notice him choking on that last word

Maybe he would miss this institution. He doubted anyone else would ever greet him with such acceptance as they did. And he was sure that no one else in the world would get him a letter from L himself directed to him.

-"You should read it after you leave. And don't forget to pack your things tonight because it's better if you leave early tomorrow"

The old man began to tremble, something similar to disappointment showing in his eyes. Mello reached over awkwardly grabbing the letter from his outstretched hand, but unable to meet his eyes. He couldn't stand it at all when people looked sad for no apparent reason.

-:-:-:-

Mello yanked out another chocolate bar from his diminishing reserve (thanks to Roger), balancing the candy on his lips while he dug into one pocket of his baggy jeans for another one. Damn that man for putting him in such a foul mood. Pulling out the shiny wrapper and taking a bite from his beloved addiction, he watched as the night sky formed something behind the glass of his window and beyond his semi-transparent reflection,a grotesque figure grinning back at him. He opened the window and the lack of glass to reflect himself quickly erased the image from existence, the cool night's breeze played with his frayed jacket as he lounged indolently on the roof which had become his constant haunt during his stay here.

The letter sat unread in his back pocket, its existence temporarily forgotten. He never received one from L before, sure he met the deceased man but for what Mello known he wasn't the kind to keep much contact with people. He hardly cared what this letter had to say to him, probably something he heard before from Roger.

The past shouldn't matter to him now. Now he had to focus on an uncertain future.

A new home to find on his own, new people he'd probably regret to meet, strangers to meet to begin a new independent life.

His blue eyes drifted up to linger on the dark cloudy sky, stars just barely visible behind the light pollution and smog of the city.

His thoughts suddenly took him to his present.

What was he going to do with his friends?

He did feel some affection for them, but not enough to stop him from leaving.

He had to start his own life before it was too late.

But…Matt, the boy who stood by his side most of his life…and that stupidly yet loveable idiot of Shiki.

Did he just think she was loveable? What a nuisance his mind can be…

He wasn't that much of a heartless rude bastard to not leave them some farewell letter.

Though he'd keep it brief.

That's it.

Before he struggles with his own feelings to leave, he must at least give them something that won't let them forget him...

After all, even if it gave them pain to remember him after he was gone, he did want to be remembered. Not as a heartless bastard, but as a friend...

_Author's notes: I never paid attention to what Roger's eye color is so I just made that up…_


	2. Fight with my heart

_More past…sorry, I got perhaps a bit too inspired with this whole background story._

_Disclaimer: Death Note/its characters don't belong to me…so don't sue me._

A black-haired girl stirred halfheartedly from her light slumber, disturbed by the wind dancing in her open window to play unconscientiously with her long locks of black hair. She sat up sluggishly, her hair spilling down her slim frame, brushing against her small waist. Today was Saturday. She could sleep more than usual.

She swung her feet delicately off her crumpled bed, wrinkling her small nose when she smelt the stench of dried sweat on her body. She must have had another one of those nightmares during her sleep. Her sleepy eyes glanced around the room, checking that all of her things were in their normal order. This was usually what she did in the morning, not that she possessed many belongings to begin with.

Then it hit her…

She didn't open the window the night before. And there wasn't any roommate to blame for that action.

Something was wrong.

The young girl looked around the room to see what was out place.

She didn't notice it before, probably because she was still half asleep.

She found it.

The small dresser sat against the way, containers of makeup all located in an organized fashion, each bottle separated by color and use. Shiki stood, her feet brushing against the red carpet of her bedroom as she rushed over to her dresser to get her hands on a small piece of paper of an unknown source.

Sapphire blue eyes scanned the sentences written on a small piece of paper for probably the 100th time in the past 2 minutes.

Her brain was trying to process what she just read.

"_I left…"_

His handwriting, the same as always. His hand seemed to have written everything with its usual steadiness and without hesitation.

Yet something was amiss…

"_Don't try to find me."_

At this point, tears were threatening to escape from her eyes.

-"Don't tell me what to do…don't ask me to not look for you" she murmured in anger, as if he could hear her

_"I know you won't understand."_

He never expected her to. But a small part of him somehow believed she did.

-"You don't know what I don't understand…!You don't know what I do understand…!" she yelled in a voice choked with sobs

_"I have to go. For your own sake and mine, forget we ever met"_

It was better if she just forgot he ever existed. He didn't want to give her pain even when he was going to be far away.

He'd never say a word about it, he'd never show it but he cared. He really did care.

-"You can't ask me to that…even if it's for you" she managed to say between sobs

No one could hear her. But somehow, she wanted to believe he could.

_"Goodbye."_

It was what had to be done.

Cut the red string.*

_"Mello."_

Even if it hurt, even if it killed her to know he was gone…he couldn't bring himself to care anymore.

This was his life. He had to live it for and by himself.

As much affection he feels for her, he doesn't live his life for her.

-"Mello…" she whispered, closing her sore eyes

-"You really are troublesome…" she continued after taking a deep breath

She couldn't cry now.

She had to smile.

She had to find a way through it. She could find a way.

She barely managed to put a sad smile on her face. If she didn't then another thing she didn't want would happen.

-:-:-:-:-

An auburn haired boy was sitting on his bed, staring at the other bed in that room which now was empty. He was trying to figure out how things happened to be this way.

A gentle knock on his door sounded familiar to him.

He rushed to open the door and see his black-haired friend standing there with a small smile on her face, yet bloodshot puffy eyes. He knew she found out too.

He put his arm around her shoulder and led her inside the room.

They sat on his bed, in silence.

There were thousands of words they wanted to say but didn't know how.

-"Do you think we should try to find him?" he asked unsure

A tear started to make its way to cheeks as a sad smile appeared on her lips.

Her gaze rose from the ground to look at him.

-"Yeah…" she smiled bitterly

He smiled too, happy that he wasn't the only one who had the wish of finding his friend, even though that wasn't what his friend wanted in the first place.

-"But not now…Maybe…Maybe he just wants to be alone for a while" she mumbled with a down-cast look, yet that perpetual sad, almost heart-breaking smile on her grim pale face

Matt blinked. This wasn't the girl he knew.

This wasn't the usual clown-like idiot who always cracked jokes with him and Mello.

Maybe this was the real her…

-"No" he stated firmly

She raised her face and looked at him in confusion and desperation.

-"Do you care about him? If you do then you'd be looking for him right now and find him. That's what I'm gonna do and you too. We're gonna start looking for him right now and we're gonna find him. If he doesn't want that then he can go to hell but I'm not leaving things like this" he spoke with determination

It was selfish, yes. But who could blame them? All humans are selfish after all.

Matt knew Mello probably made this decision out of rage or exasperation. His friend wasn't of the kind who thought carefully before making decisions, no matter how much impact could those decisions have on his life or other's.

But it wasn't time to point that out now.

-"Shiki…" he called her, placing a warm hand on her shoulder

She looked up to see him, his eyes full of honest concern and true emotions.

-"We'll find him…and he won't be pissed off when we do, ok? I promise…then we're going to beat the life out of him for leaving us with only those crappy letters and probably stealing all the chocolate of this place" Matt joked, trying to make the girl happy

Finally a genuine smile adorned her face.

Somehow, his words gave her the hope she was so desperate to find.

-"you're kinda scary when you serious up…don't do it too often" she commented patting his head and chuckling slightly

Matt smiled at her, happy the girl he thought he knew was back to being the same.

Just now she realized it was about trying and failing to find that one thing that keeps you going and trying, without reason, all the different ways to get it back.

Author's note: *_The red string is supposed to be a bond that joins two people for their whole lives.(I thought it was a good metaphor… please don't kill me…!)_

_Next chapter isn't about their lives in Wammy's anymore…! So…if you hated the story so far then you might like the next chapter…(I hope)_


	3. For whose good

_This chapter is mainly about the OC so you get to know what she's like, there'll be more of Mello and Matt in the next chapter._

_Ah, there won't be lemons coming soon...(though there's a little bit of sexy Mello time on the last chapter)_

_Also, if the sentences seemed to be incomplete it's because when i copy-paste them from the Word archive they get messed up...if anyone knows how to prevent this from happening, please let me know ヽ__(*´Д｀__*)ﾉ_

_And another thing...sorry if Mello seems a little bit ooc...wah, i tried my best to make him not ooc but i don't know if i failed in doing so...Mello's 19, Matt's 18 by the way, but the whole story is centered around the time they were investigating about Takada/Mikami/so on, so forth..._

_I know, I know…it doesn't make any sense but oh well…_

_!DISCLAIMER! The same as all of them...no need to bother reading this but I do not own Death Note or Mello(though I wish I did...yep)or Matt._

_But...!I do own my precious Shiki Airay...please, be kind to her and don't hate her...she can be pretty dumb sometimes but she isn't that bad._

_Anyways, please enjoy this chapter...!(its less angsty than the previous ones and it's not about past and all)_

_(Last thing, I promise...English is not my first language and so I apologize if some of my sentences don't make much sense.)_

_-:-:-.-_

The first thing Shiki noticed when she woke was a ghastly splitting headache to rival all others. The pain laced itself through Shiki's aching head like a spider web of blistering fire. The girl's morning were often filled with symptoms of her severe anemia, but this morning struck her as being considerably the worst so far.

Her drowsy blue eyes slowly opened and she noticed with blur that something was fluttering in front of her face mockingly. With one sleepy hand she reached to pry off the offending item which seemed to have been taped to her forehead. She forced her tired eyes to focus in on the scribbling.

_"Next time you come home half dead I'm locking you outside, no matter how much you beg(though I doubt you'd be able to even beg, stupid). I mean it this time."_

-"Mello…" she moaned in exasperation, tossing the note away and attempting to sit up from her uncomfortable position on the rough carpet of the living room floor. Apparently she'd passed out before she had reached her bedroom.

"Heartless bastard. He didn't even pull me up onto the couch..." Shiki complained, running a hand through her messy dyed black locks. "_Well, its Mello after all…but what about Matt? where the hell was he when I passed out? another heartless bastard…" _she thought.

She felt nasty, covered in dried sweat and she smelled something rancid. She looked down at her t-shirt and grimaced when she saw dried vomit covering its surface. No wonder neither Mello nor Matt had laid a hand on her to at least take her to the couch. She must've gotten pretty sick last night thanks to her anemic condition combined with the work Mello assigned her.

Shiki cautiously stood up, making sure her legs would properly hold her before she stretched her arms. Her back was absolutely aching. She was never more glad for a Saturday though. If it had been a weekday Shiki would've been woken at some horrible hour, 7:00 am, and shipped her protesting off to that thing that Shiki despised with all her being, public school. Mello insisted that she didn't drop school despite the fact that Shiki was failing the majority of her classes at the moment. Matt didn't add anything to the subject to help the girl get away from that hell she called school but neither did he support Mello's decision, the red-head was simply a witness in their endless quarrels about Shiki attending school.

Personally, Shiki partly thought Mello was a bit of a hypocrite. Though Mello had reached the age of 19 and should be off at some horrendously expensive college with some incredible scholarship (he was an amazingly brilliant student) or be L successor and therefore the world's greatest detective, instead he was just one more in the crowd trying to catch Kira, and in his case it was merely because he wanted to overtake Near. Well, not entirely because of that, it was for a deeper meaning...because of L. This was because, well, Mello's passion was not to be a doctor or lawyer as any parent had dreamed so expectantly of any kid, but instead he wanted to prove the world he was better than the boy he loathed known as Near and also prove L, one way or another, that he was going to beat any obstacle in order to make him proud. The only problem was, he hadn't really gotten anywhere yet.

Shiki didn't share his wish to "be number one" or whatever other wish on his mind but despite that she helped him in everything she could, just like Matt did. She was a one of the Wammy's kid who had the rotten luck to somehow find herself being where she is now in order to be with Mello and after some time she stayed with him for no real reason, just so she could appreciate Mello's dream and mostly because the grumpy blonde earned her affection and was the only person(along with Matt) who made her life worthwhile. Mello had talent in everything he attempted, he was a true genius who could break any barrier and accomplish everything he wanted, but he just hadn't gotten quite there yet. Things right now were focused on their "detective" career, at least Mello's and Matt's were, and as expected Shiki was dragged along in this and sent to do "research" for both. Shiki worked most of her time as an investigator(which didn't earn her money, since it was more like a community service for Matt and Mello) and going to school. If it wasn't for her parents she wouldn't have money at all, she reluctantly accepted that money just to help pay the rent and any devices Matt and Mello would need, not that they needed help in the first place, and though she should take her work seriously, she just slacked off or disappeared most of her time(much to the annoyance of Mello).

Shiki didn't feel too guilty about it though. She didn't mooch off of the boys at all. She cared deeply about them, so she always made sure that she let Mello and Matt use the money she "earned" on themselves despite they weren't in need of that. Shiki had always looked up to those boys specially Mello, ever since she met them when they were in Wammy's. Though they never had any classes together because of their age difference, they still had managed to become friends, although saying they were friends was perhaps a little bit too much, yet too little since by now they were more like siblings.

Speaking of friends, Shiki wondered idly where hers were at the moment. She wandered into the kitchen and glanced at the clock. It was past noon and that meant that Mello and Matt were probably already off somewhere. A smile formed on Shiki's lips when she spotted a glass of water and the pills for her anemia set out on the table.

-"Mello, you're really just a softie tyrant…but maybe it was Matt." she spoke to herself

If there was anything that dysfunctional "family"(Mello, Matt and Shiki) were, they were, even though they'd never say it, an actual family.

None of them ever really remembered what a real family was neither did they put much thought into trying to figure it out, though they were pretty sure it was something like the bond they shared now with each other.

Matt was the eldest son and the only boy with three younger sisters. He was expected to make something of himself. He was supposed to take over the family business, he was to uphold the family name, and he was supposed to have a nice family with plenty grandchildren for his parents to spoil. What no one was expecting was that the children of the Jeevas family would become orphans after their parents disappeared on a journey when Matt was only 4 years old.

His sisters and himself ended up in Wammy's House since Matt's parents were close friends of the owner, Quillsh Wammy. Plus Matt was also one smart child from the very beginning, so that earned him a place to stay there after his sisters were sent to other shelters.

Mello was another story. Only son of a single mom, his life wasn't the easiest to begin with.

He was young when he started to understand how unfair life can be and how it always stole the little it gave to him.

His mother wasn't a bad person, even though he'd never say anything about her that was what part of him rejected to believe. She struggled to give him everything she could, which wasn't much with the little money she earned but to her eyes it was never enough and it'd never be enough.

Yet she was contradictory, believing his son wasn't worthy of life and making him believe so for all the things she told him.

Mello didn't remember her much, or rather he wanted to block her from his memory. It was her fault he was messed up after all, or at least he wanted to blame her. He was only 8 years old when she committed suicide and he was sent to Wammy's.

All she left for him before dying was a letter with what Mello called "apologies and useless sentimentalism". He threw away the letter as soon as he left to Wammy's and decided it was best to believe that woman never existed.

He never thought of her as a mother and simply carried on with his life. Or at least he wanted to.

He was only a little kid the first time Roger saw him for the first time, standing at the door with an angered look in his face next to a social welfare agent. Even at such young age Mello was the same he was in the present…

Roger didn't have much faith in the young boy after hearing his story, knowing what Mello had been through Roger believed he'd be more of a traumatized child, but the blonde met his expectations soon and showed he was clever for his age for the way he was able to get some of the highest grades in tests, build masterpieces with blocks, solve complex puzzles in minutes and use clever moves and strategies in sports, something he came to despise as years went by.

Years went by and Mello became one of the top kids in Wammy's until he was fed up and left to live on his own and make his own independent life. One thing led to another and that's how things ended up in his re-encounter with Matt and Shiki.

And Shiki's story was unusual and unlike theirs. She was probably the only kid in history who was sent to an orphanage because their parents couldn't stand them. Shiki was from an American family living in Japan, she had younger sister and an older brother and their parents were well-known for having a good position in the social circles they were associated with. Her mother, a stoic woman who resembled a ninja for her skills when it came to martial arts and ability to solve cases as an investigator, earned a good place in the business of detectives around Japan and was the one who taught Shiki most of the things the young girl knows nowadays. Her father was a lawyer who shared the interest in martial arts with his wife, but compared to her he was merely a baboon who knew how to give a couple of kicks. With such professions it wasn't a wonder the family was in a good economic position and so their children were able to enjoy many privileges. It was mainly Shiki's siblings who took advantage of these privileges through material things. Shiki was more interested in knowledge so she always followed her mother's steps. Her parents were aware of her ability to learn faster than most kids so they expected her to become "a high standard professional". Shiki didn't want any of that and started to live a careless life without a single worry and soon realized she just didn't dig the whole "strict" lifestyle and so she became a person to do whatever she wanted, even to the point to drop school and everything that had to do with responsibility. She thought her parents wouldn't care. What she didn't expect was to be kicked out onto the street.

She sat there in disbelief for quite a while, her suitcase mocking and reminding her of the events that had just occurred. One minute she was living the life she always wanted, an assured life without a worry and the next she was out on the street with a suitcase and two letters and a plane ticket in her hand, expected to fend for herself?

She could have called someone, child services, something like that, found a lawyer or hooked herself up with a program. She didn't really like things like that, so instead she read the letters and found out she was going to be taken to an orphanage known as Wammy's House.

Mello was 2 years older than her but they somehow became friends due to their similar unruly behavior that always made them end up in Roger's office.

Mello had now been settled into his one bedroom apartment for two months. He moved out from Wammy's House, tired of them whining about his choices and whatever he did. He moved out and one thing went to another and now he was living in Japan with Matt. That was until the doorbell rang on one fateful afternoon.

He swung the door open to see Shiki standing there with a suitcase in one hand. Without waiting for an invitation the brunette sauntered inside, dropping her suitcase on the floor with a thud and plopping down on the couch. Mello stared at the audacious girl in confusion for a few seconds.

-"I decided you're my boyfriend now" Shiki mentioned in a carefree tone as she grabbed the remote and flicked on the small television.

Mello raised one eyebrow and closed the door that Shiki had left wide open.

-"and when did you decide this?" he asked, wondering just what the girl was doing here

-"about twenty minutes ago" was Shiki's lazy reply

Mello sighed and ran a hand through his blonde hair.

Today for some reason he was calm and aside from that it has been a while since the last time he saw Shiki so he'd try to be patient with her this once.

-"you do know that I'm not gonna let you stay,right? Matt's already living here and I won't be able to stand both of you bugging me. And just so you know, I have a girlfriend" he stated, expecting this to all be some sort of outrageous joke his friend was playing on him

What Mello didn't expect was for Shiki to suddenly grin wickedly up at him and say,

-"I already know Matt's living with you but you know you can't stand living without me for too long" she joked with a sly grin on her face

Mello lost all of his calm and patience and wanted to take that grin off her face no matter what it took. He always knew she was the type that always had such defiant comebacks but she could at least had some decency to don't let that side of her show up in front of the person who's going to give her a place to stay, not that he was going to let her stay anyways.

-"ah, and that girlfriend of yours… I don't have to be too jealous,right?" the brunette suddenly spoke with that perpetual mischievous grin, taking him out of his thoughts

-"that's none of your fucking business so you're right on not being jealous, now get out of here" he retorted venomously

He wasn't going to let her get away with it just like she always did. He already did that too many times before.

-"do you really want that? cuz I can be useful in one way or two in your whole Kira/Near thing, yknow" she said with a mocking smile on her face

Of all people she dared to use her manipulative ways with him. He wasn't going to let that happen but for the time being he could at least pretend and try to get her to spill the beans and tell him what she knows.

-"do you really think I'll let you make me your pawn?" he replied revealing the anger in his voice

-"I don't wanna make you my pawn…I'm not the bitch you think I am, yknow. I know I am a bitch but when have I been that way with you? anways, don't answer that, just answer this, do you wanna catch Kira before Near and make it out alive or not?" she spoke without leaving her comfortable spot on the couch

Mello had to be honest with himself. He wanted to catch Kira. He wanted to be better than Near. He wanted to do it for L and himself and he knew Shiki would actually be useful for this.

He couldn't lie to himself.

-"screw up once and I'll personally make sure you die…and if you want to stay clean the apartment" he retorted throwing her suitcase on top of her

The grin on her face dropped after hearing that.

A dry chuckle from his lips escaped and then she heard the door being closed loudly.

Mello was going to be in a bad mood probably for the rest of the week now that he let her get away with it, though it was with consequences for her which were cleaning the mess of apartment he was living in. That at least made him feel satisfied, yet not as he wished since now he realized he could've made her clean the apartment every day in order to stay. Maybe he'll break the news of his plan later, just to see that shocked expression replacing the usual grin on her face.

Even though she acted mockingly she promised herself she wouldn't let Mello regret allowing her to stay.

After some hours Matt showed up making his dramatic entrance with a loud closing door.

Matt entered the apartment to find that it was much cleaner than it had been when he left, which was never a good sign. It usually meant that something was very wrong or a girl had been over. He noticed a suitcase, a rather feminine-looking suitcase, so that at least told him that it was only a girl but he thought the worse by seeing a suitcase. It couldn't mean a girl was going to live with them. Still, it confused him. Mello had never brought a girl over before. The boy was, after all, rather anti-social, so it didn't really make sense. Maybe one of Matt's old girlfriends had shown up. Sometimes they did that and it guaranteed a pissy Mello, Matt assumed it was because him bringing girls over meant he'd be distracted from his work in monitoring or anything important Mello assigned him to do. However, the presence of a female reminded him of that girl he met long time ago... He hoped he'd see her soon or at least get some call from her or even find out she was going to come back and help him with research so Mello wouldn't pester him about such things anymore. He ignored the odd sight of the clean apartment and went to the kitchen to find something to cure his starvation and was surprised to see it was a girl he knew well..

Instead of an old girlfriend come back to haunt him, he was greeted by the sight of a girl grumbling as she scrubbed dishes. Matt raised an eyebrow, not quite knowing what to think of the situation.

The figure turned around and waved at him with a smile on her face.

-"Shiki…!"he yelled before running up to the girl and hugging her

-"so you do remember me…"she told him hugging him back

-"you're gonna stay live with us? good…! just don't think you can stay here and steal my place. I got a good deal going here, no rent, free food...I ain't going without a fight" Matt broke into a grin and winked at her.

Shiki laughed and suddenly realized how much she had missed that red-head boy even though it had only been less than a few weeks since the last time she saw him.

They locked eyes for a moment in silence.

It almost seemed like the typical cliché of a kiss going to happen but instead Shiki grinned and proceeded to poke Matt.

-"missed me?" she asked playfully

-"do I look like I'm insane enough to miss you? i was glad when you disappeared so I could find some peace" Matt answered laughing

A smile adorned her face yet his words made Shiki look thoughtful after a moment.

-:-:-:-

_That's it for now...I'll try to update as soon as possible...!_


	4. Let's make some memories

_So...here's a little bit more of background story..._

_Nothing really relevant but I like Final Fantasy so I decided to make my OC a fan of it too xD…well, kinda…anyways_

_DISCLAIMER:I don't own Death Note neither its characters..._

He was right…sort of. Shiki actually did leave for a while by herself after meeting with her mother.

Apparently the woman realized it was a mistake to practically abandon one her daughters for the mere fact she didn't like the young girl's attitude. Shiki couldn't care less about her mother's apologies but just to see how things were going in her old home she'd at least take the time to go along with the woman's apologetic show.

She didn't particularly enjoy spending time with people who were now strangers to her. Her siblings were still being money-sucking leeches and her parents were the same cold, old fashioned, intolerant people they always were but despite that they welcomed their daughter and for once treated her like one.

Her parents weren't the most affectionate people in the world but when she returned somehow they ended up showing her more affection than they ever did before and started to buy unnecessary things for her and give her money for no particular reason, perhaps for making her like them.

Even though they did all this, it never earned them Shiki's affection. She tried to feel at least a little love for them but found herself unable to. They couldn't possibly expect her to love the people who had kicked her out and sent her to an orphanage, could they?

But after all, she was thankful for their decision since it made her what she was today and it made her meet Mello and Matt, the people who now she considered her family.

So one day she simply left the same house for a second time, this once willingly, in order to go with her real non-blood related family. And that's how after a little research she ended up standing in front of Mello's apartment door and making him her boyfriend without his consent.

Matt had had a hunch as soon as he had heard she was going to be living with them, assuming Mello had let her stay was because of something but he wasn't completely sure why. He had always believed Mello did feel the same way she felt about him but he knew the blonde would never admit it.

-"You and Mello always were close, I guess it'd just make sense that you'd end up together" he commented, his attempt of subtly implying obviously fake since the grin on his face revealed the true intentions of his words.

Shiki coughed taken by surprise with his comment.

- "We're not exactly 'together' in that sense…I was just joking when I said I decided he'll be my boyfried " she corrected, and he noted a bit of melancholy in her voice

Matt looked curiously at her, trying hard to read her thoughts.

-" I just assumed because I could tell how you like him all these years...and I'm pretty sure he likes you too so…"

Shiki sighed.

Matt sensed the sadness in her expression so he decided it was best to change the topic.

-"so your parents are still alive and all?" Matt asked after a long drag from the cigarette he was smoking

-"yeah, alive…being human and all that normal stuff" she answered with a shrug and snatching the cigarette from his fingers taking a long drag as well

Matt only gave her a fake glare as a reaction.

She showed him a grin, which he returned.

He didn't realized until that moment how much he missed that stupid girl…

-"I'd like to assume you didn't grow up enough to become a hater of videogames…am I right?" she commented looking at him with a smile on her lips

-"you know I'll always be the same idiot…and you're not gonna change either" he replied ruffling her hair

He was happy. Even though his life wasn't exactly a normal one, Matt actually, for some reason, was happy.

Or at least he liked to think he was. What was happiness anyways? He knew there were more than one definition to the ephemeral feeling everyone so badly wanted to get.

For him happiness was spending his time with the people he came to love. He liked to live believing happiness was even in the simplest things time had to offer. Happiness was in the fact of caring about things before they'd disappear. For Matt, happiness was in the mere fact of being human.

He didn't want to think of sad things but that didn't mean he lived in a little bubble full of rainbows. He was well aware of how reality can ruin everything and he knew how that was like.

Reality was almost like a wall that didn't let dreams pass through, he believed that but then again he didn't like to think about such complex things. He'd rather live doing things that'd keep his mind too busy to worry.

Mello was of great help with that since he was always bossing him around to find anything about Kira and Near and that meant Matt had to kill a lot of brain cells in order to hack data bases and even go to the point of installing surveillance bugs and devices to spy on people he didn't even know neither cared about.

Matt himself didn't even know why he was helping Mello with all this investigation his blonde friend was so obsessed with but he didn't let that bother him.

Mello was his friend, he had always been. It was because of that grumpy blonde he had gotten where he was now, which wasn't really what he planned to become but it was something.

Matt never really knew what he wanted for his future. He didn't even know if he'd ever have a future but apparently he had one now and that was mostly thanks to his friend who was always bugging him to become what he wanted.

He wasn't a doctor or a lawyer like his parents would've wanted, he was who he wanted to be and did what he wanted to do and that was mostly thanks to Mello.

Mello and Shiki always encouraged him to do what he liked and wanted to do so that made him who he was today. Even if their encouragements brought him troubles back in Wammy's he regretted nothing about it, what's more the memories he had of his days in Wammy's were what made his childhood one any child would envy.

How Matt became Mello's friend was rather strange and every time he thought about it he didn't understand how he could get along with such a short-tempered person when he himself was of a rather calm nature.

They were assigned the same room back then but they never spoke to each other until one day Mello accused him of messing up his bed and so that started a pointless argument that lasted for ages and ended up in laughter.

Mello wasn't the best roommate one could get but still Matt somehow was able to stand his personality. It was mostly because the other kids didn't like him and always avoided him why Matt started to hang out with Mello. The red-head found himself feeling bad for the lonely boy and so he decided to not pay attention to his constant bad mood and after some time he earned Mello's trust and got to know a friendlier side of him.

At first Mello would try to push him away with his rude and anti-social behavior, which wasn't as bad as the one he had nowadays since he was still a young child when he met Matt.

Whenever Matt tried to talk to him Mello would either avoid answering or grumbling curses at him but Matt was persistent.

It was still fresh in his memory how the first time he saw Mello was.

It started somehow normally from his part, but Mello…well, Mello was being Mello.

-"Hey there, I'm Mail Jeevas, we're going to be roommates from now on so…I hope we get along well...! Roger told me I was gonna share a room with a Mello guy so I suppose that's you" he spoke in a friendly manner

Mello gave him a glare.

-"don't talk to me" was his simple answer

Matt was slightly taken aback but not hurt by the blonde's answer. He decided it was best to try talking to him when he was in a better mood since he seemed to be in a bad one at that moment.

Little did Matt know Mello was most of his time in a bad mood, but still that didn't stop him from trying to talk to him. Mello, realizing the red-head wouldn't give up until he talked to him, decided it was best to follow his conversations just to get him to stop pestering. Years went by and Mello finally got used to Matt's nature as well as Matt got used to his.

How Matt befriended Shiki was in a more normal way. Which he considered even weirder than the way he met Mello…

What kinds of friendship start normally anyways? Not the ones that last for too long…yet Shiki and him were something else.

When he was walking around the playground looking for something to do he spotted a new strange looking girl, sitting under a tree by herself. Matt was the kind of person who, for some reason, ended up getting his attention caught by people who seemed lonely. Hence why that girl caught his eye…

He approached her and she noticed him.

Her eyes were shockingly blue, which made quite a contrast with her black hair, and reflected fear in them.

She quickly tried to hide the notebook she was using to write.

Matt waved at her and she smiled awkwardly.

-"hey stranger… you're new here, aren't ya?" he asked sitting next to her

She nodded but didn't say anything.

-"what are you doing here all by yourself? The kids here aren't that bad so they'll most likely be friendly with you, so don't have to be afraid to try talking to them" he told her with a kind smile

-"I'm a boring banana…I don't have anything interesting to talk about. And I'm too weird for that too" she replied looking at the other kids that boy mentioned

Matt chuckled.

-"what's your name?" he asked randomly

-"Airay Shiki…pleasure's all yours" she answered looking absent-minded and clutching tighter the notebook she was holding

Matt laughed, already finding her interesting.

-"I'm Mail Jeevas, but just call me Matt. So what were you doing with that notebook? Writing or drawing? Or both?" he asked curious and trying to peek

For some odd reason she found herself already trusting this boy enough to hand him her notebook.

His eyes inspected the illustrations she made.

-"most are just sketches of manga. Yknow, Japanese comics… Others are just an attempt of drawing chocobos that end up in failure" she commented as he flipped the pages

His eyes left the pages to look at her as if she were an alien.

-"you like Final Fantasy? And you're from Japan?" he asked in disbelief

She nodded with a shy smile on her face.

-"I like more chocobos than the whole game…and yes, I'm Japanese…though I don't look like it" she explained

He still looked at her in disbelief.

No girl he ever met there even knew what Final Fantasy was.

His look of disbelief turned into a grin after he knew he'd get along more than fine with Shiki.

The two of them became even closer friends after she and Mello started another strange friendship.

It was after one week Shiki entered Wammy's when she met Mello.

On that day a chemistry lab demonstration was going to be held so all students were gathered together in 3 classrooms regardless of their ages. Mello was in class 2-A and he almost was disappointed to discover that Matt was in class 2-B. Not that he minded being alone. It might actually be better because then he couldn't be guilted into paying attention.

He stood in front of the class, his eyes searching for an empty seat, their eyes watching him curiously as the teacher and a scientist started to set everything for the experiments. Without much drama, the class started and he was seated in the back near some empty desks.

His eyes began to wander to the students around him as the class began. They all seemed to be rather boring, ordinary, happy, immature students, the kind that he hated the most. The first fifteen minutes were completely silent except for the teacher's annoying lecture, that was until the door was slammed open and in strolled the first interesting person Mello had seen all day.

The girl was quite petite, with slim legs and an unusual gait at which she strode nonchalantly across the room. Her hair was of waist-length pure black with a single white streak and could only come from some rockstar freakshow. Not only that, but instead of the standard white collar shirt and skirt uniform underneath her jacket(which didn't belong to the uniform )she was wearing a faded shirt, which also wasn't part of the uniform at all. It wasn't like Mello liked her, in fact the girl's attitude had bugged him from the minute that she had walked in, but she was interesting enough to earn a glance from Mello.

-"Miss Airay" came the indignant voice of the teacher."Haven't seen you since last Tuesday. And you're still breaking the dress code I see"

-"Sorry" the girl said with a wide grin, "I know you missed my pretty face"

-"Take your seat, Airay" the teacher rebuked with frustration.(Mello could see just a tinge of a smile on his lips).

-"It's Shiki..."she responded

This 'Shiki' walked triumphantly to her seat, right in front of Mello.

Unfortunately, the rest of the class passed uneventfully. The brunette in front of him snoozed it away and Mello soon forgot about her ridiculous display.

-:-:-

-"Dude, you slept longer than I did" came a rather irritating voice in Mello's ear. "It's already lunch, the whole chemistry show thing is over"

Mello's eyes snapped open to see that brunette's face looking at him inquisitively. Mello grunted crossly and lifted his head off the desk.

-" What's your name?" Shiki inquired, sitting herself down backwards in her chair so that she could watch Mello.

-"go to hell..." Mello muttered without much thought and stood up.

He felt stiff and he needed chocolate, badly. He didn't have time to chat with this idiot. This 'making friends' thing wasn't even worth it if he wasn't going to be there for that long.

-"That isn't a pretty name" Shiki laughed, apparently finding his moodiness amusing

-"Mello..." he heard another voice call for him

He turned his head to see Roger peeking into the classroom, looking rather irritated about something.

-"Ah, Mello is your name" Shiki exclaimed gleefully

She was now peering at Mello with an even more interested look, as though she were trying to measure something up.

- "So, you're friends with the old man, eh?" she asked looking at Roger with a mocking look

-"you too will be sharing the detention room with Mello, miss Airay" Roger chimed in stepping in the classroom

The look in Shiki's face made Mello almost laugh.

-"what did I do?! I didn't screw up today" she tried to defend herself

Roger shook his head both in amusement and frustration.

It seemed that girl would never learn to watch her speech.

The only reason she remained there was her intelligence.

-"you both didn't pay attention today so that's why you'll be in detention. Please, follow me" Roger explained rather calmly

Mello stood from his seat and walked out the door, brushing against Roger and making sure not to look into his eyes. He needed to find someplace alone, away from the confining walls of futility. He needed chocolate or anything sweet...

The bell rang, signaling the day's end. Mello was out on the roof. He had gotten the chocolate he wanted in his hand and he was staring vacantly out at the noisy ground below. He hated that city, that filth, the waste that walked by pretending to be human. It was all bare, measureless and stretching on to perpetuity, the emptiest place he had ever seen. It was in the meaningless gestures, fake smiles, the little white lies. There was something hidden there, something inherently wrong, something he couldn't name. He needed something. He needed an escape route. Not just from that city, from the people, from the world, but from himself. He wanted to escape his mind and that place that always reminded him he was never good enough.

The children were milling out in droves below him. Some were laughing loudly, groups of giggling girls, a group of boys talking, their voices muffled by the time they reached Mello on the roof. He watched them with disgust. They propagated this lie of happiness and pinned him an outcast in this world. Sure he was smarter than most kids in that place but that still wasn't enough.

But after all, who was he trying to fool?

He scoffed, laughing at himself for being a mere 13-year-old with such pessimistic thoughts.

Sure he was still a child and had a simpler way of thinking than adults, but that didn't mean he wasn't able to understand how the world works.

He was smarter than most kids of his age so it was only natural if he understood things better and sooner than them.

Besides, they were all too happy living their lives in ignorance to pay attention to the reality around them.

As time passed the crowd thinned out, only leaving a few stragglers behind. They all had something to return to, expectations and responsibilities. Just the same things he had to return to, but he wanted something else.

The last piece of chocolate melted in his mouth and the wrapper dropped to the ground to be smashed beneath his foot. He wondered momentarily where Matt was and how he probably didn't even notice Mello was nowhere to be found. However, the concern did not last long.

Mello looked down from the roof top. He was just here because it happened, not because he had been wanted or because he was supposed to do something in his life. Something he himself wanted to do in his life, that is. Everything was controlled by others. People who believed otherwise were in denial, they were covering up the truth in order to keep those happy smiles on their faces. But deep down, everyone can feel it, a little itching in their heart telling that something is inherently missing and that you never really get to have control of your own life.

Mello took a step closer toward the ledge that separated him from the ground three floors below. Without really thinking about it, he climbed up onto the ledge. He could see better this way. It was probably around four o'clock, people were passing by. He watched them, an odd grin on his face.

Despite those people staining the sight, he realized it was beautiful. The sky above him, the ground below him were beautiful. A beauty that'd never be free of the things that damaged it. Humans are constantly hurting the ones near them in order to find some sort of self-satisfaction.

Realizing that Mello felt a tinge of sadness creeping inside of him.

-"you'll fall if you're not careful, yknow" came a female voice from behind him

Startled, Mello swirled around to look, but the slippery stone beneath his feet caused him to loose balance. He felt himself tip backwards, gravity gradually pulling him along.

A rough tug on his shirt and he was pulled forward again by a girl with startlingly black hair and a grim look on her face.

-"That was a close one. Guess I saved you though...well, almost killed you but saved you afterwards" the girl stated rather casually as she helped (more like pulled) Mello off the ledge and back onto the roof.

Mello snorted in annoyance.

He started to make his way somewhere where there wouldn't be any more annoying brunettes or people in general.

Shiki stared at him with a confused look in her face.

She was even more confused when he turned around.

-" I wouldn't have slipped if you hadn't have said anything and just minded your own damn business" he stated angrily with a psychotic look on his face

The girl gave him a skeptical look.

- "makes sense…but you're alive after all, so why are you complaining?" she retorted with a smile and a light shrug

Mello headed for the door inside.

-"I'm not complaining and yes, I am alive so why don't you start minding your own business now?" he replied, still angered

Much to his surprise the girl would not just leave it at that. She grabbed Mello, this time from behind and turned him around, forcing Mello to look at her despite the height difference. Mello noticed that the girl could not have been younger than him by at most a few years.

-"It's my damn business when I come here and I see some kid who seems to be about to fall off a roof. I'd rather not have his death in my conscious for the rest of my life if he slipped and fell, thank you very much…but you weren't going to jump so I guess I'm worrying about nothing, still you could've slipped and there could've been no one to catch you" she spoke with a kind, yet creepy smile on her face

Mello struggled out from her grip which was surprisingly strong.

-"Fine, I'll just go somewhere with less idiots to get in my way."

-"Oh, no you won't." the girl said, "I'm involved whether you like it or not. I'm gonna stay with you to make sure you stay alive and don't kill yourself in the process" she replied with a hint of joke in her voice and a grin on her face

-"I don't recall giving my consent to that so let me go, stupid" the blonde responded as rudely as he could

He wanted to get rid of that annoying girl and if that required being rude then so be it.

Mello could feel anger consuming his vision. He didn't want to be looked over, to be asked questions. They would never just leave him alone.

-"I'm not easily offended so you can be as rude as you want. I'm staying with you until…I don't know…but I don't wanna see someone down in the dumps so I'm gonna try to cheer you up, I guess"

Now Mello was confused.

Since when do random strangers seem to care about other random strangers?

-"What? Are you gonna dress like a clown and do something stupid? I bet that's what an idiot like you would do..." Mello grumbled under his breath.

He was angry, but he knew this girl wouldn't leave him alone until he made some concession. He was used to strangers, he lived with strangers all his life. He was trusted to strangers, forced to be dependent on them.

Mello pulled out another chocolate bar from one of his jeans' pockets and sighed when he found it to be the last one.

-"As long as you can get me some chocolate, I don't care if you're clinging to me like a damn tick…" he told her

One weird start became one weird friendship.

Years later Shiki was still the same laid-back slacker at school.

Always on the roof top instead of the class room.

_Ok, so...it's kinda crappy, I admit its not the best I've written so far but I swear the following chaps will get more interesting...honest...please, don't kill me yet D:_


	5. Lonely people

_!DISCLAIMER TIME! yay...same disclaimer as before, so you all know how it goes._

_I do not own Death Note, neither Mello nor Matt._

_But Shiki is mine...mwahaha._

_Ok, so in this chapter there's more of Mello and Matt and also it gets a little angsty. My apologies for any mistake in my sentences._

Shiki had just finished serving her detention and left the classroom to find Mello leaning against the wall, waiting for her. Shiki had forgotten to mention that it would be taking an extra-long time to make up from all her skipping out on detentions (she had tried that today but the teachers had been getting annoyingly smarter), so she was surprised that Mello had the patience to sit there waiting for her. The man had probably a million of better things to do than waiting for a useless brat like her and that he had come all the way out there to pick Shiki up made her truly happy. The girl smiled brightly at the sight of Mello's glowering face and walked up to him, leaning forward as if to kiss him, but stopping a few inches before.

-"You know you shouldn't do that in public" the blonde remarked unflinchingly

He was used to Shiki's pranks. The idiot liked to freak people out and one could only win against her if they simply didn't react. Shiki was a tease, that was certain, but if Mello turned the tables she became as submissive as he wanted to, yet he didn't want that to happen.

He also knew it was her way to take advantage and try to get him to show her some affection.

Mello began to turn his face away, but Shiki gently placed one hand on Mello's cheek making him face her and lean down enough for her to close the space between them, only to be inches apart, with a beseeching look in her eyes bringing her lips to his. Mello's lips were firm in resistance at first, but after a few moments he gave into the force of the kiss, Shiki's magnetism not quite letting him escape. It wasn't like Mello felt anything in particular, he had had plenty of kisses in his life and there wasn't anything that marked this as some special experience. However, Shiki's lips moving with his own was comfortable and relaxing, a kind of soothing sensation not like all that corny trash that's supposed to make you feel in heaven.

Shiki broke the kiss none too gently and let out a heavy sigh on Mello's neck, making him shiver instinctively.

-"You don't seem to mind" she whispered, her words forming patterns of sensual warmth on Mello's skin.

Mello said nothing. He was silent, leaning against the wall, his eyes were closed. If Shiki were a cat, she'd be purring contentedly now with a smug look on her face or at least that was one of the things he thought. Mello didn't want to open his eyes and see her, but he didn't have the strength to pull away. He knew how she felt for him, of all people she was the one who had to fall in love with him. There were many other guys out there who were far better than him so he'd never understand why her capacity to feel love was limited to only feel it for him. It was because Mello was growing increasingly more aware of a certain fact that he'd rather not experience right now that he attempted to pull away.

But Shiki's lips stopped him, making their way down Mello's neck and back up his sharp chin to his lips once again. The feeling was different this time, a sensation that compounded the growing ache inside of him.

However as Shiki anxiously slipped her tongue into Mello's mouth, he felt himself break free of whatever had paralyzed him and he pulled away suddenly much to Shiki's displeasure.

-"I could just as easily let you walk all the way home, and I'm not talking about my apartment" Mello rebuked, attempting to glare at the unruly brunette, but finding himself unable to

Shiki smirked.

-"I think you're starting to enjoy it as much as I do, MelloMello" she said with a laugh before she grabbed the blonde's hand and yanked him from the wall.

-"c'mon, love, let's get out of this hellhole you dragged me in" she laughed and made Mello chuckle lightly even if he tried not to

Matt stared absentmindedly out the car window, waiting for Mello to return with Shiki who he had originally come to pick up before this ordeal occurred. In all reality, Matt could have left easily right then. It's not like he couldn't just reach over and unlock the doors and get out to leave Mello on his own. However, something kept him in that car that was in fact his but now apparently was Mello's, waiting for this scarred blonde friend to return and take him god knows where to do god knows what just for his selfish wish of surpassing Near. Maybe Matt wanted to end up however he was going to end up because of Mello's plans, some masochistic part of himself commanding that he receives the punishment that he'd been running away from all this years. Yet he knew that it wouldn't come to that. He doubted Mello would leave him alone for such a long period of time if he intended that.

And here Matt was sitting grumpily in the backseat of his car, bored to death since he didn't bring any of his videogames, yet unable to just leave and wander the streets in search for new ones...

With this thought in his head and his hand reaching for the door handle, the front passenger door was swung open and Shiki ambled in. Matt smiled a little, his desire to leave decreasing. Shiki didn't seem to see him yet, so Matt just sat there in indecision listening to Shiki pester Mello about something he had 'liked but didn't want to admit.'

Matt could see Mello's face glance at him in the rear view mirror and it was that look that made him decide to stay. It was as if Mello were surprised to still see him sitting there. Matt guessed most people would have just left by now, seeing as it had been quite a while he'd been waiting in there, but he hadn't been able to move.

The car started reluctantly and they pulled out of the school parking lot. Shiki was chattering happily to Mello and it took her a full ten minutes to notice Matt sitting in the back seat. When she did notice, Shiki let out a big laugh.

-" when did you pick up this stray cat, Mello?" Shiki joked, turning around to peer at Matt curiously.

Matt kept his face still as possible, trying not to let his amusement show as he looked out the window again at the passing cars.

-"you're a stray cat he picked up too, don't forget that" Matt retorted with a chuckle

Shiki put on a mock hurt face.

-"you're picking up other stray cats and you didn't tell me?" she exclaimed, turning back to the blonde boy and reaching over to fling her arms around him

-"I'm fucking driving here!" Mello exclaimed, trying to shake Shiki's arms off of him but the girl didn't seem discouraged. Instead she slid one hand onto Mello's thigh, stroking it gently.

-"I'm still driving, woman…!"Mello yelled angrily making Shiki laugh

Matt laughed too and noticed the slight hint of a blush on his friend's face.

Mello gave them a look. It was that look that spoke of true annoyance. Shiki, sensing she was very near to be tossed out the car, retreated back to her own seat.

-"Fine, fine. I'll tone down the porness" she grumbled unhappily, Mello ignoring her with the best of his ability

They reached Mello's small apartment in a few minutes. Matt climbed out of the car slowly after Shiki had jumped out and walked swiftly up the concrete stairs and into the building. Mello followed behind.

- "I want food. How about pizza? I could really use some right now and I know the guy who works at pizza place down the street who'll give us a discount" Shiki commented lazily

Matt flashed Mello another of his signature grins. Mello sighed.

-"you do know that's more like a piece of concrete with snot on it than pizza, right? eat some real food for once in your life, Airay" Mello replied in annoyance

-"Yeah, you should stop eating pizza…that way I eat it and you eat something like vegetables or that kind of healthy crap" Matt added jokingly placing a hand on her hip

Shiki made Matt lean down to kiss his cheek.

-"I'm honored that you worry about me, sir Jeevas" she bowed

-"You should be more honored that I worry about you" Mello chimed in still annoyed

A bright smile appeared on Shiki's face.

What Mello just said was technically a confession that he did actually care about her.

All of the sudden the blonde felt soft lips crash onto his and slender fingers caress his scalp.

-"thank you…"she whispered after pulling away

It was the first time in a while Mello saw that look on the girl's face.

Matt only stared at the love fest with a risen eyebrow and a sly grin on his face.

Mello couldn't help getting a small smile on his lips after Shiki's actions but decided to cover it up with his usual grumpiness.

-"why the hell don't you both go inside already?" he asked annoyed

-"why the hell don't you too?" Matt retorted stepping in the apartment

Shiki stood in the doorway waiting for Mello with a smile on her face.

Mello frowned and pushed past her grumbling into the hallway, which oddly earned laughter from the girl.

Mello and Shiki had started bickering again as soon as they had wandered into the apartment. Matt was starting to analyze the situation and came to the conclusion that the majority of what Mello and Shiki did was bickering, but he refrained from commenting. After all, Matt had long stopped paying attention to the two of them once his attention was on the screen of his phone and had merely nodded when they had asked him if that 'sounded good to him'. He assumed it was in reference to dinner but continued to play the pitiful games his cellphone had to offer.

Matt's thoughts switched from his surroundings back to the bickering couple. Mello wasn't that bad once you learned to deal with his bossy bad mood and Shiki wasn't too annoying as long as you tuned out her stupid comments. However, they were differently eccentric. Matt wasn't the one to judge. He wasn't very normal either.

Shiki emerged from the kitchen and proceeded to take a seat on the couch next to Matt.

-"so are you fuck buddies now or what?" Matt blurted out

Shiki blinked at him and took a drag from a cigarette she had just lit, a habit she picked from Matt, she wasn't addicted to it but every once in a while it calmed her nerves.

-"Well, Mello doesn't realize it yet, but he's totally my bitch" she answered looking thoughtful

-"I'm who's bitch?" Mello scoffed, tossing his jacket at Shiki's face

Instead of complaining, Shiki pulled it off her face and stuck her arms through it, hugging herself.

-"look Matt, my love gave me his jacket! He must really love me now" Shiki squeed in a high-pitched voice.

Mello rolled his eyes trying to hide a smile wanting to play on his lips and Matt burst out laughing.

When the pizza arrived, Matt ate a little bit of what was offered to him, but mostly just so that they wouldn't complain, well, Shiki was the one who'd say something since she'd be the only one to notice if he didn't eat. He wasn't feeling very hungry, though he found himself craving a cigarette. Since Shiki had been smoking earlier, he pulled out the pack of cigarettes he had bought on the way to the apartment.

-"smoking's bad for you" Shiki commented through a mouthful of pizza.

-"So is slacking off every day, you hypocrite. Besides you picked that habit from him so that makes you a bigger hypocrite" Mello interjected, grabbing a piece of pizza and leaving his spot on the couch to walk away.

-"have fun playing, kids"

After Mello had left the room, Matt grinned over at Shiki.

-"So, what did you two do when I wasn't around?" the red-head asked

A surprised look appeared on the girl's face.

-"what was it? handjob? blowjob? sex?" Matt pestered good-naturally poking her

Shiki finally gave up and sighed.

-"Nothing happened…just a kiss when he was waiting for me at school. I guess I should be happy with that. But we didn't even get to the good part, I mean…nevermind" she admitted disappointed

Matt's grin became wider.

-"you'll drive him crazy enough one day and then he's gonna rape you and afterwards marry you" he told her jokingly, trying to cheer her up with a light punch on her arm

Shiki laughed, partly because of her friend's choice of words of comfort and partly because she found it impossible for such things to happen.

-"I think you have a good chance with him" Matt stated, ignoring her doubts. "Did you see the way he looks at you? and how he's worried about you?"

Shiki looked at him skeptically.

-"yeah, he cares about me, but as his younger sister. Nothing more than that" she needed to insist on that because, well, she wasn't sure anymore.

-"I wouldn't be so quick to say that, little midget" he remarked, putting his arm around her shoulder

- "Don't give up hope yet. With a little bit of maneuvering I'm sure I can make you his girlfriend in at least a month"

-"A month? Isn't that a little long for the great Matt Jeevas?" she mocked, leaning against his arm and flipping on the tv.

Matt smiled.

-"Well, it's a lot harder turning someone into a bit of a pedo than just getting two people together, yah know…you're still gonna be 17 until your birthday" he commented with chuckle

Shiki let out a small laugh, yet deep down knowing that it made her lose more of the little hope she had left.

- "yeah, I'd like to see you do that. I have no chance with him…"

Yet, even though Shiki said that, she could feel hope beginning to blossom in her heart for the first time since a long time.

With that said, Matt stretched and pulled out a game controller out from under the rubbish, flipping a small TV on.

-"Time for videogames. Wanna play?" he offered smiling

-"yeah…in a minute" the girl replied before disappearing

-:-:-:-

Mello was standing in his room wanting to pull out his hair from all the uneasiness he was feeling.

He was going crazy.

Countless thoughts were rushing through his mind.

That was until a knock on the door interrupted him.

-"What?!"he yelled from behind the door

Shiki wasn't shock by his reaction since she had probably interrupted him with whatever he was doing.

-"nothing, nevermind …" she responded before deciding it was best to walk away and play videogames with Matt

A loud noise made her realize the door got opened and she quickly turned around.

-"What is it?" Mello asked running a shaky hand through his hair

Shiki looked at him with a sad smile on her face.

-"nothing important, just wanted to see if you were ok…you looked kinda down in the dumps today" she answered rubbing the back of her neck

. Mello knew this was the side she didn't show often. This was the side of her he didn't want to see.

-"I'm ok…and I wasn't down in the dumps "he responded trying to end the conversation

He didn't it like it when she showed him that caring side of her, it made him go soft somehow and it made him lose his cool demeanor and objective way of thinking.

He had met plenty of people in his life, more than he'd have liked to, but none of them cared about him the same way Shiki and Matt did. With Matt it was different because they were more like brothers, but with Shiki it was a lot more different. Her kindness was different from Matt's.

-"you looked like you were. If something is bothering you I'm here to listen, Matt's playing videogames so I doubt he'll want to listen" she joked but spoke with honesty behind her words

Mello grown to love that cheerful personality of hers, yet he hated it at the same time because he knew that wasn't her. She always tried to cheer him up ever since he met her even to the point of doing stupid things just to see him smile and Matt would pick the habit from her so Mello practically had 2 personal clowns.

-"yeah,I guess today I have enough rotten luck to have you as a listener…"Mello responded with a smirk

Shiki showed him another kind smile and walked up to him.

-"Shiki Airay at your command" she saluted him, earning a light playful smack on her head and a chuckle from her blonde friend

Even though she seemed to be joking, deep down she meant everything she said to him.

The jokes were merely a rather dumb disguise for her true feelings.

It was a wretched disguise that embodied her guilt, her loss, her lust for affection that would not be answered. It was the emotion decaying inside of her heart.

He could see it through.

Everyone had their own ways to cover truth, Shiki's was with jokes and cheerfulness, Matt's was with his cool attitude and Mello's was the shield of moodiness he used daily.

He couldn't give her anything but disappointment if he ever let their relationship change and become more than it already was so for her sake it was better to simply not let her expect anything from him so she wouldn't end up more broken than she already was.

Mello was the only person in whom she had hope. Hopes of finding a future, hopes of being able to do something in order to give him happiness. Hope. The feeling that made her want to believe she could become better ,that she could make things get better, yet the feeling that fooled her into believing she was capable of that.

She knew too well it was harmful to have hope in people. It was only to get hurt in the end.

When humans expect too much and get nothing even after all their efforts it's only natural they end up being consumed by sadness, only to little by little get their soul eaten so all that's left is a heart that later can no longer find a reason to keep one's body alive.

She laughed at herself for such thoughts. It was like she was world's worst philosopher.

A pathetic attempt to try to decode her own feelings.

In reality, she realized it wasn't her feelings the ones she wanted to decode.

But who was her to decipher someone else's feelings when she couldn't even recognize her own?

What she really wanted to was to know what was inside of Mello, what was it that he so badly tried to hide even to the point of hurting those around him just so he could kept what troubled him in a secret cage from where those things would never escape.

Anyone would think someone couldn't get fixed if they didn't open up to others, but Mello wasn't broken.

She was.

And because she was broken she was wasting her life away in trying to find that happiness that everyone looks for, not for herself but for Mello.

_So...I hope this chap turned out better than the previous one...eh...6th chap will be up soon...nothing else to say/write...bye*flies away*_


	6. No need for a love song

S_o here's chap 6...and I'm wondering if everyone who read the story 'til this far is hating my guts..._

_Disclaimer:Death Note and its characters don't belong to me...though i wish they did v.v_

As Matt was playing videogames alone, he had forgotten Shiki told him she'd join his gaming adventures later. But later she didn't show up so he let his tiredness get the better of him and go to get some well-deserved sleep.

Mello was lying on his bed, his head resting on Shiki's lap as she gently caressed his face and played with his hair.

He liked the attention but he wouldn't say anything about it, though Shiki knew better. His lack of complaints meant he liked what she was doing.

It was the first time in ages she had seen Mello in the state he was currently in. He was always tense because of the way his strong emotions managed to get the better of him, even though he tried badly to hide it, but at that very moment he looked rather peaceful.

Somehow they didn't end up talking about Near and Kira as Shiki was expecting but it was for the better.

Mello's head was pounding and his eyes felt like shards of painful glass reaching back into his brain.

Mello was the kind of person who saw reality just the way it was but still didn't accept it. He wanted to change things and he was willing to try anything, in the end to be left with disappointment for being unable to change anything. If he did change something it was for the worse. The large scar covering his face reminded him that every day.

He struggled everyday with thoughts he didn't want. When his mind was supposed to be focusing on important matters, he found himself thinking about the trivial things he considered his feelings to be. Trivial, useless things. That was what stopped him from becoming L's successor, that was what stopped him from being in Near's place, that was what stopped him from being where he wanted to be. That was what was going to get him killed, in the long run.

He despised being human for the mere fact that being human was what got him those feelings in the first place.

Guilt, hatred, anger, sadness, frustration… all those things polluted his mind.

How many people died back then because of his mistakes? Not people he cared about at least, but still they were the proof he was meant to be a failure.

How many people would die in the future because of his mistakes? Maybe the only people he cared about…then he'd be left with nothing else but the proof he himself was a mistake.

-"I don't want this…"he mumbled under his breath

He heard his own voice weakly reverberated around him, but he had never felt those words slip from his lips. He tried to block them out, but images steadily streamed before his eyes, heedlessly of his muted protests.

He didn't expect her to understand. After all, the only ones who can understand feelings are the rightful owners of them.

He couldn't believe that people actually thought talking could "fix" them or give them some sort of relief. Nothing can erase the guilt carved into one's existence. If there was a magical solution, talking certainly wasn't in the list. People just didn't understand anything about him. They didn't understand anything besides their ideal, controlled fantasy world.

Shiki heard him but didn't say anything.

She didn't know exactly what he was talking about so she refrained from making any comment or inquiring.

Though the hidden meaning in his words made her mind try to make assumptions.

- "you eventually find something in all this that makes it worthwhile" she said quietly, almost to herself, but Mello knew better

Mello suddenly sat straight on his bed, staring in space.

Shiki got up to leave since she assumed she'd be kicked out soon.

-"you can stay tonight if you want" Mello's voice stopped her

Shiki stared at him in disbelief but when she realized there was no hint of lies on his face she went to sit next to him.

They sat in silence.

After a moment Mello lied down and so did Shiki next to him.

She didn't want to abuse his trust so she kept her distance.

Mello remained in his thoughts for a while, almost disappointed he couldn't feel Shiki's warm body as closed to his as he wanted to. It didn't take him long to fall asleep and neither it did for Shiki.

The point between consciousness and unconsciousness always seemed to be so unclear for Mello. He never felt awake when his eyes drifted open, he only felt as if he were just moving into another dream. It was just the way it felt like he was watching everything, but could not be a part of it. In his dreams, images assaulted, memories of sound and pain. The difference between reality and his dreams hardly mattered. In his dreams, he felt the pain and sorrow just as if they still meant something. Waking from a dream of her was waking into a reality where he'd have to live according to that reality that never seemed to be the way he wanted it to, another level of pain. He could never prove himself now. Her eyes which had begged for something he did not understand, how was it possible to satisfy such a request?

Her hands reached out, beautiful fingers digging into his chest. Bloody fingertips wrapped around his pulsing heart, aching flesh torn. This wasn't real, even though she was there. It was time to come back to reality.

Mello woke that morning to find something warm had wrapped itself around him and was currently breathing hotly on his neck. He sighed exasperatedly and attempted to pry the offending arms from around his neck, but the brunette simply groaned, and squeezed his friend tighter.

-"Shiki...!get the hell off" Mello cautioned grouchily, but his warning was promptly ignored

Shiki took this chance to instead brush her lips against the skin of Mello's smooth neck, licking his slightly sweaty skin.

-"Don't wanna" she murmured sleepily

Mello rolled his eyes at his friend's behavior and glanced over at the clock on the bedside table. It was already six thirty-six in the morning.

- "…did you turn off my alarm again?" Mello asked with aggravation, prying a rebellious girl from where she had started to suck languidly on the blonde's skin

Shiki blinked up at him groggily with a slight disappointed look on her tired face.

-"I just wanted to spend a little more time in bed with you...sue me" she said in a sickeningly sweet voice.

Mello rolled his eyes once again and sat up, causing Shiki to fall off the bed with a not-too-graceful thump. Mello looked crossly down at Shiki who was grumbling irritated, sitting on the floor in nothing but her silky undergarments and stockings. Mello's eyes grazed unwillingly over the girl's thin body, the smooth skin and the slight ribs that had begun to poke through it and in a moment of weakness his eyes went to her chest. That girl had grown up to be quite an enjoyable sight but was really starting to get skinny.

He looked thoughtful for a moment. When did she take off her clothes?

He shrugged it off.

-"I'm gonna tell Matt to make breakfast" Mello stated abruptly as he stood up and walked past Shiki into the other room.

- "and stop sleeping in my bed. I said you could have the couch or the spare room or even the bathroom if you want. You can also buy your own bed so get one instead of using mine"

-"what's the special occasion?" Shiki asked ignoring the latter comment as she yawned and stood up, walking into the kitchen after her friend.

Mello swung the fridge open, startling the brunette as he nearly hit her in the face.

-"A good breakfast in the morning will help those dying brain cells of yours to think while you're at school so go call Matt and ask him to make you some food" he stated blandly, pulling out a chocolate bar and glaring at the sulking girl.

-"you don't have to act like my mom…or make Matt seem like he's my mom. I can make my own breakfast but I don't wanna" Shiki retorted giving him a blank look, walking up behind Mello, wrapping her arms around the man's firm waist.

-"hmm…we could forget about school and have a different kind of breakfast" she whispered eagerly, letting her breath tickle Mello's sensitive neck crook.

The blonde frowned, resisting the brunette's charm and continuing to eat the chocolate bar he was holding.

- "Shiki, I'm not going to have sex with you, stop bothering me about that" his voice was stern and calm, telling Shiki not to mess around with him anymore.

-"But why not? we already did it once…well, almost, but doesn't matter. I was good last night, I didn't slack off and did all the research you asked me to!" Shiki stated indignantly, unlatching herself from Mello's body and taking a seat instead on a stool by the kitchen counter.

Mello raised one eyebrow as he took a loud bite from the chocolate bar and Shiki sulked more.

-"ok, so maybe I did slack off a little, but not much. Doesn't that stand for something?" she inquired hopefully, but her hope was instantly shot down by another glare from Mello

Mello swung the fridge open again and took another bar of chocolate and went up to Shiki.

He extended his hand and with a confused expression on her face she accepted the candy before thanking him.

He wasn't much of a cook, but a bar of chocolate was easy enough for him to handle in the morning. It was Shiki that was what was really frustrating him.

-"Shiki, you are 17. I'm 19. Go out and find someone that it's legal with" he stated tetchily, reaching for some bread to stick in the toaster.

The girl huffed, looking hurt. The hurt look was replaced with an annoyed one.

-"so you wouldn't mind me having promiscuous sex with strangers of my age?" she told him irritated

Mello looked up from what he was doing, suddenly feeling much more upset than he had actually been earlier.

-"that's not what I meant" he muttered, a deep frown settling on his features.

-"yeah,I know…I'm just being bitchy and an idiot. But still…you know I…nevermind" she responded, ending her sentence with a dismissive gesture

After a moment a broad grin appeared on Shiki's face.

-" you just don't see anything and you probably never will cuz you have some kind of invisible block of concrete stuck in your forehead, but if it happened once it can happen once again" she retorted slyly

-"don't talk about that" Mello insisted irritated, but he had considerably less irritated remembering what she meant.

He looked up at Shiki's smirking face, suddenly just a little happy that the silly brunette was there.

Somehow that girl managed to put a smile on his face even when he was feeling like crap.

And that wasn't the only thing she was good at.

Today was Saturday so it meant Shiki had free time, and that led to Mello being able to use that free time of hers in his advantage.

-"Shiki, you're going to put surveillance cameras in Mikami's apartment" Mello stated, more like ordered

Shiki looked at him almost in shock.

-"didn't we do that already?" she asked in disbelief

-"I wonder why I still haven't kicked you out…"Mello told her letting out a sigh

-"it's just because I'm awesome…"she answered with a shrug

For some weird reason, Mello was quite fond of the young girl's stupid comments that never failed to make him try his hard to hold back any kind of amused reaction.

Her dumb sense of humor somehow managed to cheer him up. He reasoned it was only logical since he had always been surrounded only by people who resembled robots due to their lack of humor. The only people he knew who weren't like robots were Matt and Shiki so that was most likely the reason why that duo of idiocy gave him a few laughs more often than he'd liked to.

...Just a glimpse of paradise...

And it left him knowing that there was so much more...


	7. Watch out for that girl

**Watch out for that girl**

_Alright, so…this is probably the shortest and crappiest chap of history…but its because I had no idea of how to write the whole situation…anyways…_

_Disclaimer:I don't own Death Note neither its characters…_

Shiki wasn't doing what she was supposed to be doing.

But only up to a certain point.

She was watching that Mikami guy Mello talked about, but she wasn't watching him the way she was supposed to.

Far from the building he was in, Shiki was on a rooftop watching his every movement and dying of boredom.

The man certainly did earn her attention from the moment she found out about him. His looks weren't half bad so she thought it might actually be entertaining see what that good-looking guy was up to. She had never been so wrong. The man had probably the most boring life anyone could have. Even watching a snail eating grass could be more fun than watching that guy.

But, much to Shiki's misfortune, she had to do it. It was Mello's order after all…

Mikami was the kind of person who had everything perfectly organized. He always did everything on the exact time, everything on the exact date.

Since the first time Shiki started to follow his moves she realized this.

The man had a plain boring life, but it was quite impressive how flawlessly he managed to lead it.

A familiar sound reached Shiki's ears.

Her phone ringtone. That antique phone kind of ringtone Matt despised so much.

She chuckled because of the memory and soon picked up trying to sound as serious as possible.

-"yes?"

-"don't 'yes' me, idiot… are you actually doing something useful or are you being a fucking panda and eating on a rooftop?" Mello's pissy voice came from the other line

Shiki laughed. She knew Mello was going to call at any moment and ask something like that. Yet she didn't expect the panda comparison.

-"my beloved wants to know if I miss him? C'mon Mello, you know how hard it is to be here without you… ok, no, but yeah, I mean I'm not being a panda or anything like that. I'm watching that hot Mikami guy…and kinda enjoying it, I'd enjoy it more if he wasn't so boring" she responded with a care-free tone in her voice

She could hear Mello grumbling and soon a sound coming from her phone announced he had hung up.

Once again she had to laugh. It went just as she suspected again…

Right after the strange(mostly one-sided)phone chat, she saw Mikami leaving the apartment complex he lived in.

Now it was time for her to get serious.

Her confidence, failing her, kicked in and started to increase her nerves as she made her way to Mikami Teru's apartment.

_*waits to be thrown rotten tomatoes at*_


	8. A certain situation

_So here's just some random chat/moment between Mello and Matt...nothing really relevant for the whole story but i've written this chapter anyways..._

_Disclaimer:Neither Death Note nor it's characters belong to me..._

Mello yawned, not interested in the chatter of the girl who was supposed to be the second Kira. She was too dumb to be the second Kira, not that Kira was very smart to begin with but still despite that he couldn't let any chance slip. Matt was hacking into the SPK system and Mello saw him truly focused for the first time in a while. He got fed up with the girl's voice and pointless things she said so he switched to watching the woman who he assumed was doing part of Kira's job, he wanted to pay attention but he was dreadfully tired, aside from that the woman on the screen was always doing the same boring routine so that made him want to sleep more. He blamed Shiki for that since she had been so insistent last night in bothering him that he had missed a lot of sleep, yet he admitted it was also his fault for once again let his emotions control him and mess up his sleeping habits.

Mello rose from his seat to make his way to the fridge in hopes of finding something edible for probably the 100th time in that day. All he could see wasn't exactly what he wanted to eat so he decided to drink a glass of water instead.

-"hey...you look tired today" Matt said to him

Mello usually spent the slow days such as today talking with him every now and then since they usually had a little spare time to talk. They were friends after all so it was only natural they had some talks during "work" but Mello knew Matt could get easily distracted so he tried his best to avoid talking too much.

-"yeah, Shiki was causing trouble for me again" Mello grumbled after a pause, rubbing his eyes. "Sometimes I wonder why I even put up with that girl"

-"From how much she seems to cause you trouble she kinda sounds like your wife" Matt joked.

Mello sighed. Why did Matt always had to make such jokes about him?

-" no, if she were my wife maybe she'd actually do something to help out. She's more like a puppy, always wanting attention and constantly making messes" Mello stated, almost bitterly

It surprised him the way it came. He had never really noticed how much it had bothered him before.

Matt laughed, apparently finding it funny. Mello didn't.

-"you know she's not like a puppy…you're probably more weird than usual cuz you haven't gotten laid in a while with her around, is that it? Most of the girls I brought here think you're going out with her after she shows up"

-"Yeah, well, I'm not and I'm tired of that fact being questioned" Mello stated firmly.

He could feel a sense of irritancy building steadily inside of him.

Matt smiled suddenly.

-"c'mon! dude…that girl freakin' loves you or something, otherwise why would she still be here? you have to face it someday that you feel something for her too" he sounded excited, as though he had a secret that he was hiding.

Mello raised one eyebrow in question. He was only half-intrigued.

-"have you considered the fact that perhaps she's here for the mere fact of ruining my life?" Mello asked with a bored look on his face

-"If she didn't like you she'd have told you to go to hell long time ago...she must be in love with you to put up with all your tantrums…!"Matt commented flailing his arms above his head

Mello raised one eyebrow once again.

-"so? That makes it sound like you're in love with me too since you also put up with my tantrums, which certainly are inexistent" Mello told him giving him a blank look

Matt looked up at Mello, not quite understanding the implications of the words...well, he did understand but he didn't understand why Mello couldn't for once talk honestly and actually say what he meant.

Matt smacked Mello's arm.

- "c'mon, dude. Pretty girl, tiny waist, big boobs, long hair, smart, kinda dumb too but it makes her funny...plus she has feelings for you, what's there not to love? Ah, and another plus, she can stand your insanity. If I were you, I'd even get married with her"

Mello was getting fed up with this whole "match-maker" act Matt was throwing.

-"then why aren't you married with her? you could kidnap her and do anything you want for all I care" he retorted masking a strange feeling that was growing inside of him

Much to the blonde's irritation, Matt laughed finding his friend's response amusing.

-"you're lucky I'm such a good friend who doesn't steal the pretty girl from you" Matt responded, ending the conversation, making Mello roll his eyes and return his attention back to the screen Takada was being reflected on.

Mello hmph'ed humoring Matt simply because he knew that if he didn't the man would bother him endlessly and decided not to let the conversation go any further.

But what unsettled him was the fact that somehow his friend's stupid comments had got him to think about Shiki.

Matt went back to hacking into the SPK's database with a satisfied grin on his face, knowing the blonde he was sure all his blabber might have messed up his friend's brain.

Sure enough, later in the day, probably only after half an hour, the failing match-maker red-head started another conversation.

-"hey, you remember those girls from the other day?" Matt asked his friend, who was too focused to even register the other's speech

-"yeah…"he mumbled with his eyes glued to the screen he's been looking at for the last 30 minutes

-"Kira is going to destroy all the chocolate in the world and I got Shiki pregnant" Matt randomly announced, acknowledging his friend wasn't exactly paying attention to him

Mello's glare looked insane enough to make him end up in a mental asylum.

-"what did you just say?" he asked slowly in a threatening way that didn't fail to actually creep Matt out

-"just wanted to make sure you were listening…calm down, you're scary when you freak out" Matt told him with a shaky voice

Mello didn't listen to his friend and remained with the frightening look on his face.

-"I didn't sleep with Shiki if that's what brought your psycho side here" Matt told him with a sly grin, regaining his cool demeanor

Mello tried to look indignated. He found it hard to believe what Matt assumed.

His face softened, even though that wasn't what he wanted, and Matt couldn't help but notice it.

-"well, whatever, so you remember them?" he asked leaving the previous subject behind

-"who?" Mello asked with a mistrustful expression on his face

-"the girls from the other day" Matt responded as if pointing out the obvious

-"Matt, you bring random girls here almost every day, do you really think I'm going to remember all of them?" Mello asked as if pointing out the obvious as well

Matt scratched the back of his neck with a goofy grin on his face.

-"yeah, guess you're right…anyways, wanna join the fun? 'sides, Shiki's not gonna be here until…I don't know, until she comes back from that Mikami guy's house so we have some time to enjoy what the girls got to offer" Matt told him with a grin

Mello simply stared at him with a bored look on his face before returning his attention to the screen.

He had never been really interested in such mundane things as Matt was. Matt had always been the kind of person who was easy-going and what most people considered "cool". The red-head was always the life of the party and center of attention when it came to socializing when Mello himself was more of the opposite, being just one more in the crowd, not that he particularly minded since he always preferred to be left alone but he just wasn't the kind of person his friend was.

Matt liked being around people and have fun, Mello didn't.

The blonde would rather stay in a dark corner where he wouldn't have to socialize, but every once in a while he ended up wanting to hook up with a girl so he wasn't always all anti-social.

Matt told him he was boring countless times because of this but Mello never let his friend's comments get to him.

Mello wasn't the kind of person who lets words get him.

_*author waves white flag expecting mercy from readers*_


	9. I'll go alone

_Another chapter...I'm wondering if anyone who read all the chapters is hating me...anyways, so Shiki's done with the whole Mikami/installing cams thing(i know i didn't add many details about it but i just didn't know how to put my thoughts into words when it came to it...sorry)...i also wanna add something about Shiki...!so, i was reading a manga called metamorcode and instantly fell in love with the main character(its rather the typical stereotype of a cool rebel girl but i think she's truly amazing)and welp, the main character in it is a girl called Kei who drives this awesome bike...and it got me to think about how is shiki supposed to be moving around here and there, I certainly don't picture her sitting on a bus so i decided to make her a little cooler and let her ride a bike, after all it isn't impossible for a girl to drive one...so...yeah, that's how shiki moves around, although I'd find it funnier if she stole Mello's bike every time she needed to but that'd be bad for our dear Mello._

_Disclaimer: Death Note/its characters don't belong to me. The end._

_Anyways..._

Shiki was done for the day.

Everything Mello sent her to do was actually done quite decently and better than expected from her point of view. Now that the worst was over, she was heading to the grocery store to buy the chocolates, cigarettes among other things they needed just as she was asked to pick up on her way.

She was now in a half-dead state.

Her nervousness and adrenaline at the time of getting in Mikami's apartment had worn her out and because of that her anemic condition took the chance to ruin her even more.

She needed to rest at least for some minutes just to try to regain some strength.

Shiki saw she was driving near her school and got an idea.

Though she was not fond of school, she thought it'd make a good place to rest and aside from that it wasn't difficult to pick on the locks of that building.

Shiki spent her time on the roof of the school instead of going back to the apartment. She had other things on her mind. Yet, without wanting to, ,she was thinking about school. She didn't want to study algebra or history because she had better things to do with her life and she was starting to feel the need to escape that building growing inside of her.

She'd actually been planning something for a while. She had some ideas of what she was going to do. First of all, she needed to quit school. Then, maybe, just maybe find a job where someone would hire her but that'd only delay things for Mello and Matt and would probably end up making her becoming more of a nuisance since the stress those situations involved made her anemic condition worse. She could no longer rely on her family or friends for things like looking after her. Granted she could mooch some money or whatever she wanted off of them rather easily, but she never wanted that before and she didn't want that now.

Sitting on the roof of the school, overlooking the bustling city she began to see things differently than she had in a long time. Then again, she was actually feeling a little healthier and more conscious, so that could be a big factor affecting it, but Shiki liked to think it was because that she was starting to become more mature. To be completely honest, she really had been too irresponsible, even for herself. She had always been doing anything Mello asked but never giving a 100% from herself, she could've done better, she knew she could be better than that. It was a surprise that Mello hadn't gotten completely frustrated with her and kicked her out or kill her.

Her feelings for Mello, which had always been so confused and focused mostly on the affection she felt for him along with sexual desires, seemed to have obscured her vision. When was the last time Shiki had done something good enough for Mello? Why the hell would Mello be interested in a lazy leech like her? Neither her nor him were going to make progress this way.

Shiki could feel excitement begin to build. Her stomach was fluttering, thinking about Mello and how things could be. If she quit school, Mello wouldn't have to spend so much time working. Life could get better. Mello could be less tired, happier. Shiki could help more with the investigation and that'd make Mello happier and less busy. They could actually go out and do things every once in a while instead of Shiki just running off somewhere when she wanted to slack off.

The way that Shiki saw it, if she dropped school, a waste of time anyway, she'd have more time to help Mello and Matt and also time to earn money if she found someone to hire her. She could become serious. She could make something of her life; make her parents regret that they'd ever kicked out their daughter and make Mello proud.

However, getting a job wasn't as easy as just thinking it. Shiki had experience but her age and appearance alone made her ineligible for many jobs. Apparently, many people didn't appreciate her sense of style. Shiki disagreed. She thought her dark style made her more interesting and stand out from the crowd. However, most employers didn't want her to stand out. They just wanted her to look like everyone else so it wouldn't catch attention from people and therefore make things easier.

Some days before, she thought of asking around the area where the mafia Mello and her used to be involved with had some acquatances but figured that most people weren't hiring, even the possibility of working with her parents came to her mind but the idea was quickly erased from her head. Getting a job might be for her own benefit, yet it'd make the investigation go slower for Mello and Matt. She wasn't selfish enough to put her own sake before theirs, so the idea of getting a job was discarded.

A nostalgic smile crept to Shiki's face as she thought of Mello.

-:-:-:-

Matt was in a strange state of boredom and concentration.

He was struggling with his urge to doze off for at least a second.

He couldn't help letting his borderline narcoleptic side show up every few minutes since his eyes sometimes got closed and the darkness of a state close to sleeping over took him.

But those relieving moments didn't get the chance to happen very often since as soon as Mello noticed he'd wake him up by yelling his name. The blonde got even to the point of throwing something at him, Matt didn't see what it was and he didn't care either.

Hacking complex databases was a real hassle and boring as hell, and worst of all it required a lot of focus.

Mello got the easy, yet also boring, job for today which was monitoring.

It wasn't one of Mello's favorite things to do but it couldn't be helped. Besides to accomplish things even the things he didn't like had to be done.

His mind was wandering between random thoughts, from the suspects of being Kira to Shiki and to Near.

It'd certainly make things a lot easier if he joined Near's team but he wouldn't let that happen even if his own life was at risk.

Probably if him and Near joined forces Kira would already be in jail…that was what he assumed.

It didn't please him to think that way but it was the truth after all.

Maybe it was his fault Kira was still out there…that was another thing he assumed and hated.

Near was willing to work with him. It was Mello's pride and determination what stopped him from doing so.

Mello hated and wanted to refuse thinking that white-haired boy was the kind of person who'd do something against Mello. Near was in actuality a good person but Mello didn't want to believe that. He did hate that person who always stole his place but he did acknowledge that boy wasn't as bad as he thought. He was, through Mello's eyes, the one who did deserve the place he was in and a better person than him. That was mostly the source of his hate…in fact, if Mello came to think of it his feelings for Near could be better described as those of envy and jealousy.

But that didn't get him anywhere. Envying or despising Near didn't get him further than where he was now so it was better to focus his attention back to those bright screens of the monitors in the meantime until Shiki returns.

-:-:-:-

Hours later the girl in question and subject of Matt's match-making attempts , Shiki, returned to the apartment after she had suddenly felt the urge to leave once she looked at her phone's screen and realized that she should've been back hours ago. She wanted to get home before Mello did, assuming he was off somewhere. Shiki left promptly, finding the way back to the apartment slightly longer but still refreshing.

Once she reached the outside door to the apartment she noticed a woman waiting outside. Her hair was curled and splashed about her face. She was of moderate height, very thin and with a facial structure rather familiar for some reason. Upon seeing her, she quickly rushed over, a worried expression on her face.

_For whoever read this, please, don't hate me._


	10. Less than happy

_Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Death Note characters neither Death Note itself..._

-"you're the girl that lives with Mello, right?" she asked with an annoying tone

Shiki looked at her questioningly with a risen eyebrow.

-"yeah,I guess that's me...may I know why you ask?"

-"because I'm his girlfriend and I want to come in but no one's opening the door for me" the girl complained

-"well, you wouldn't be standing out here if someone had opened the door, would you? I don't need any explanations so don't bother with that…" she responded bored and paused at the door to the apartment and sighed, digging through her backpack for her key

Before Shiki could put a foot in the apartment the other girl had already got in looking for her blonde friend.

-"I hope he's not here so she leaves…" the brunette muttered under her breath, somehow hoping the woman could hear so she'd take the hint and get out

But she was wrong.

After the intruder had opened the door to Mello's bedroom his voice proved he was in the apartment.

-"Reiko, how yah been?" Mello's voice asked casually

Shiki didn't want to hear the whole conversation so she lied on the couch to put on her headphones and let the music muffle the annoying voice of the woman who was wandering around the house.

She had no clue of what was happening in Mello's bedroom once the music was blasting in her ears.

- "Don't act so casual. Two months without a word...!And now that I come here I see this, whats wrong with you?!I'm your fucking girlfriend, Mello...!" the Reiko girl yelled at the blonde

-"You decided I was your boyfriend, I never agreed to that so get out…how did you get in anyways?" Mello retorted sounding more calm than he intended

- "What? what are you talking about? I'm not going to go away until I get an explanation...!who's this fake blonde whore?" Reiko asked pointing at the girl lying next to Mello on his bed

-"I was never your boyfriend so stop stalking me already. And she's…I don't know, Matt's friend…and I don't have to give any explanation to you so kindly get the hell out" Mello responded

The girl stormed out of the room, but not before making a mess and throwing a pointless tantrum out of anger, after her hell was unleashed she walked out of Mello's room earning a glance from Shiki.

But after a moment she returned to Mello's room. Now that earned Shiki's attention.

She was still with her headphones on so she wasn't aware of what was happening.

The intruder claiming to be Mello's girlfriend once again stormed out of Mello's room with what seemed to be a streak of blonde hair in her hand. With disgust she threw it on the floor.

-"What the hell did you just do?!"Shiki yelled at her, thinking the woman just yanked Mello's hair strongly enough to pull out a few strands

Shiki ripped the headphones from her ears and ran to Mello's bedroom.

-"Mello…!are you alright?!"she yelled, desperate, looking at him with worried eyes

She was worried enough to not notice a girl crying on the floor and holding her head.

-"yeah, why wouldn't I be?" he replied sitting on his bed calmly

-"but…the psycho bitch back then…didn't she do anything to you?" she asked in disbelief

-"not to me, to her" he pointed in the weeping girl's direction

Shiki suddenly regained her composure and raised an eyebrow.

Of course nothing could happen to Mello, he was Mello. He wouldn't let a crazy girl get away with such a thing as yanking his hair.

-"ah…alright…I'll disappear now "she announce saluting the blonde, and earning a soft chuckle from him

That was certainly not what Mello expected.

He was expecting something more typical of Shiki. Something more…less-normal. Probably knocking unconscious the girl who just slept with him or even asking Mello if she could be the one to sleep with him now…he even expected something weirder from her, maybe even asking for a threesome(not that he was looking forward to it).

Maybe Shiki had gotten over him? No, that couldn't be. Just that morning she was clinging to him and practically begging him to have sex with her. But then again, she was Shiki and he knew her well enough to be aware of her sudden changes.

-"where's Matt?" her voice yelled from somewhere

Mello took a moment to answer. He didn't know either where the red-head was. He didn't even know if he was still in the apartment.

-"go find out" he yelled back, idly wondering where his friend was, yet not expecting Shiki to actually go look for him

Another surprise for today was the loud noise of a door closing.

Well, apparently Shiki was being weird today.

Mello didn't expect her to go look for their gamer friend.

He couldn't think for too long since a voice interrupted his train of thoughts.

-"Mello-chan?"a female voice called him

-"you're still here? Why don't you go look for that friend of yours? And also, don't call me that" he responded

He certainly didn't want another stalker so it was better if he was simply a heartless bastard to girls so they don't annoy him for too long.

He glanced at the girl and saw indignation written all over her facial features.

She didn't wait to dress up dramatically and storm out of the room and afterwards out of the apartment. Once again the poor door was closed with more strength than necessary.

Mello remained on his bed. He wouldn't let what just happened bother him.

He didn't care enough to think about the whole cat-fight of girls he technically didn't even know.

Instead of thinking about that and other things of more importance, his mind was somehow being plagued with thoughts of Shiki.

Mello didn't think of her as girlfriend material or at least that was what he wanted to think of her.

She was cute by society's standards. She was small in most aspects, small hands, small nose, small waist, a real petite person. He supposed some guys liked that. Her hair was straight and long, not the usual style for girls these days, but it did flatter her facial features. Mello supposed she was a girl that a lot of guys would like to get to know and wondered why she didn't ever bother in getting a boyfriend, that way she'd finally stop pestering him.

What Matt said earlier was true, Mello would never admit it though. Most of the things Matt said were true. It was also true that he had been more dedicated to his investigation than to his friends and other aspects of his life. He hadn't thought about these things in such a long time. He had never took Matt's comments very seriously. He hadn't thought about other things aside from Kira and Near and he was still trying to accept the fact that L died. He just felt he didn't need to think about them.

His mind was filled with random thoughts for the first time in a while. It was lonely being by himself without Shiki or Matt to take his mind off things he didn't want to think about.

He found himself remembering events of his childhood, feelings he never wanted to feel, things he never wanted to happen.

His mind was being a real nuisance at the moment by bringing back things he wanted to forget.

-:-:-:-

Shiki returned after finding Matt.

It wasn't difficult to guess he was at some random girl's house. But it was quite a hassle to find out in which random girl's house he was at, but she was the daughter of a detective so what could be expected from the nosy girl?

Once again Shiki check on Mello.

-"did you get murdered?" she yelled from the hallway

No answer.

Maybe something bad actually happened?

She rushed and entered the room but didn't worry much since she could see from the open door Mello was getting dressed.

-"Mihael Keehl, what the hell is this?" she asked incredulously seeing the mess his room was now

Mello grinned, once again feeling oddly happy the idiot brunette was there.

-"home" he responded with a grin

She couldn't help getting a similar grin on her own face.

-:-:-:-

Mello and Matt sat down on the couch as Shiki prepared some coffee for them. She was an addict, so she prepared it almost all the time besides it was pretty much the only thing she could prepare well. She liked making coffee for Mello and Matt. Matt was the one who liked drinking coffee the most and he needed it too in order to stay awake. The addiction to coffee and the liking of videogames were two of the many interests the red-head and the brunette shared. He was the closest to her in age, only 1 year of difference, Shiki was 17 but she had a mature side of her personality she didn't show it very often but it was even more rational than both Mello's and Matt's combined, despite that Mello had always treated her as a little kid but she didn't care enough to complain. She assumed Mello always treated her like a little kid since he had always taken care of her, in his own way that is, and he's been a steady influence in her life when her family neglected her and same was for Matt. Despite everything Matt and Shiki were, Mello had always accepted them the way they were and had fought fiercely with for them back in Wammy's whenever they were unfairly accused of things he was to blame, though none of them knew about Mello's acts of kindness since he never said a word about it.

Shiki handed Matt a cup of coffee and sat down beside him with her own, Mello rejected the offer and now was chewing a mouthful of chocolate.

Even though Mello seemed to be mindlessly eating his mind was thinking of the past and recalling events the same way he was before Shiki and Matt returned. He had, more or less, forgotten all about Wammy's and was starting to feel almost bad that he had not wrote to those who looked after him for most of his life. Mello knew that they had sent letters to him after somehow finding his address but he never bothered to write back. He guessed said letters were only full of questions and nothing important so it was pointless to read them.

Somehow his mind was filled with random thoughts again.

-"So, you're gonna work now that you quit school?" Matt inquired casually, motioning to Shiki's school stuff which were scattered around and interspersed with the devices the girl used for investigation

Shiki nodded to confirm these suspicions, but said nothing to explain it further.

Somehow Mello, who was until now too deep in his thoughts, overheard the conversation.

-"are you going to explain that,Airay?" Mello asked suspecting the answer wouldn't be too surprising

Shiki held onto Matt as if he'd protect her from Mello.

-"help me" she whispered desperate, earning a light chuckle from the red-head

Mello wasn't going to be happy after finding out she quit school to maybe start working.

But she had to face it, she wouldn't hide the truth from him and she wouldn't let Matt have to face Mello's anger because of her.

-"I decided to quit school today" she announce speaking fast and rubbing the back of her neck with a goofy smile

Mello's eyes had the psychotic look on them she knew well.

-"why?" he asked sounding intimidating

-"Because why not? It was a waste of time anyways" she shrugged

By now she was used to Mello's scary look, plus she knew he wouldn't hurt her or at least she hoped so…

Mello opened her mouth to complain, but Shiki quickly silenced him by trying to explain things.

- "I know, I know. You're gonna tell me to not to, but I don't really have many options. If things keep going the way they are, you and Matt will eventually get tired of me and I won't have a place to go, well, not a place I'd want to go. As much as you might want me to go to school, it's really pointless, I've already learned enough with my parents and at Wammy's. I'm nearly 18 and I've got no future where school takes me. My best bet is to quit now and start making something that helps both of you… before I get old or you kick me out"

Mello looked thoughtful for a moment and so did Matt.

-"Matt hasn't been influencing you in this decision, has he? Don't you see where he is? Do you want to end up the same as him?" Mello asked with a hint of concern in his voice

-"Huh? what the hell? What's so wrong with me, Mello? what's so wrong about 'the way I ended up'? dude, you're such a bastard…!"Matt defended himself slightly irritated

There wasn't anything wrong about him. Sure he might spend a little too much time playing videogames, with girls and smoking and doing things normal people do, unlike Mello who was like a robot from his point of view but that wasn't a reason to criticize the way "he ended up" or accuse him of being a bad influence to Shiki.

The girl in question was muffling her laughter. It was too funny to hear Mello talking about Matt the way he just did and it was also too funny to watch Matt getting mad about it.

-"Hey, you, it isn't funny… he just talked crap about me and you're laughing? that's cold, dude" Matt told her smacking her shoulder lightly, making her chuckle

-"serious the fuck up, you two… okay, so tell me an actually good reason why you should quit school" Mello questioned rubbing his temples

Shiki wanted to disappear from earth right now.

She thought Mello wouldn't make a big fuzz about the whole thing but she underestimated his unpredictable temper.

As she was about to speak, she was cut off by Mello's hand motioning her to keep quiet

-"This is, by far, the stupidest thing you have ever done, Shiki, and you've done a lot of stupid things before but not as stupid as this one. Did you ever stop to think why I made you go to school? Do you think we're short on money and that's why you decided to start working ? Shiki… you… I don't know what to tell you. You went full retard, woman…" the blonde spoke scarily calm shaking his head in disappointment

-"But if I quit I'll have more time to investigate about Kira and all that and that'd help you and Matt…! I know you can do it on your own but at least let me help you so it makes things easier for both of you… " Shiki replied in exasperation

Mello could be childishly stubborn when he wanted to. Just like her...

He didn't say a word. Shiki took the hint he wouldn't speak to her until she did something to earn Mello's consent.

-"welp, I'm leaving you two lovebirds to sort this out on your own" Matt said before disappearing into his room

Mello didn't even bother to look in his direction.

Neither did he want to look at Shiki. He'd try his best to ignore her.

Shiki sighed, wishing that he could just see things the way that she did.

-"You only see things in the present and when you think of the future you only expect the worse from it. You think I'll be working for a measly pay, a high school dropout and god knows what else you think of me. But that's not what I am. This moment doesn't define me forever. If anyone would know that, it's me and you should know it too. I've been living with you these past couple months and I've known you for years so you should have a little faith in me. I know I'm kind of and idiot but I guess I'm a smart idiot and more importantly an idiot who cares about you and wants to help you. I…want you to be the one that believes in me the same way I believe in you"

Mello looked incredulous at such claims.

- "But what are you going to do with your life? I may get somewhere, but that doesn't mean you will. What is it that you want?"

Having said that he realized it certainly didn't sound as good as they did in his mind.

Shiki let a small smile come over her features.

-"I want to be with you. I want to be part of what you do. I'm going to start being more serious about the investigation and everything else to be less of a bother to you and Matt. I'm not good enough to impress anyone, but I will try "Shiki responded honestly

-"Then what? We'll form a band together and we'll be famous? What if things don't go the way you want? What will you do after everything goes wrong?" Mello asked

He didn't like being so pessimistic, but he didn't want his friend to be disappointed in the future.

He was afraid of the way things could turn out.

Shiki sighed and buried her face in her hands. She knew that was Mello's way of saying he cared.

She knew that was his way of trying to protect her, that was his way of showing fear from the future he didn't know and realizing that made Shiki feel like her heart was being crushed in her chest.

-"I'll still stay with you. If I don't try to change this, I'll regret it forever. I know I can do it. And if it all fails, at least I won't regret not trying. I can't live with myself if I just let life take me along without ever trying to change it. I don't like where it's taking me now, so I gotta do something"

Mello looked at her in awe but soon regained his composure and started to think over things.

Apparently his look was misunderstood by Shiki, who thought he was still mad at her.

-"Mello…don't be like this. You know I'm not doing this because I wanna ruin your life or something, I wanna do this cuz I think it's what's best" she spoke running a hand through her black locks

Silence.

-"fine, what do you want me to do? stay in school? don't work? what, Mello? what?" she questioned him hoping he'd at least make a grunt or something for an answer

He didn't even seem to breathe.

-"alright, I won't work…but I'm not gonna stay in school. I'm gonna help you with your research, like it or not, and that's final" she decided before getting up to leave

A grip on her wrist stopped her from going too far and when she looked down her eyes saw a familiar hand tightly holding her wrist in a bruising grip.

-"I'm the one who decides what's final" Mello spoke menacingly, yet it didn't scare her

-"yeah…you always do," she spoke softly with a small smile on her lips," But now seriously, are you fine with what I said? if you could at least tell me what you want, that'd be helpful" she told him with a smile still on her face, not a sarcastic smile but a kind one for what Mello could see

-"yeah, what you said is fine…if that's what you want, I won't stop you" he replied quietly, letting go of her wrist

-"I've never heard you talk so seriously before" he said, partly in wonder and partially in worry.

She thought for a second before answering.

Shiki smiled at him again.

-"Thank you, Mello... "she said quietly

She had always come through for him.

-"However," he paused, giving her a mock look of disappointment, "You and Matt really need to keep this place cleaner. You'd think it would have to be cleaner with a girl and two other people living here" he continued, picking up a pair of her shorts that had been lying in the middle of the living room, his face showing disgust.

-"that's stereotyping, Mello…besides, you could clean too, yknow" she remarked tetchily, grabbing the shorts and tossing them back down in their rightful place.

She had everything organized, damn it. Why did no one understand that?

-"I guess home is where your messes are…ok, I won't bitch about this place's state as long as I don't have to clean" he stated before going to his room

Somehow Mello found himself feeling nostalgic.

Shiki wasn't the little girl he met back in Wammy's anymore.

Matt wasn't the same boy he met so long ago either.

And he himself wasn't the same way he used to be.

So many things had changed for them. Most for the better but still he wanted some things to be the way it used to…


	11. We who should be loved

_Another angsty chap...it seems I'm rather good with these kinds of chaps..._

_However...Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note neither it's characters_

The innocent ignorance of childhood was probably what he missed the most, the ability to find happiness in the simplest things like Matt did, the ability to live without a care about the world and not being afraid.

Mello might seem to be someone with a cold heart and cold demeanor but that was merely a disguise to hide his emotional turmoil.

He hated the way he always let his emotions get the better of him. That was what stopped him from being ahead of the game by acting before thinking carefully about situations.

He came to the conclusion that was what probably would make him get killed at some point but he was fine with that. After all, everyone had to die someday…yet Mello wanted to change something before he died. At the very least, he wanted to make something that would make him be finally at peace with himself or something that would've made L proud. It didn't matter what, he wanted to change something and so prove his existence wasn't in vain. Maybe it was a selfish wish to have but that was what stopped him from giving up.

Still, it wasn't like he existed for the sole purpose of becoming number one in everything or catching Kira. He had other things to live for…

He was only future for him was out there waiting. The hope of becoming what he always wanted to become was always fueling his ambitions.

To anyone it might be immature the fact that he was doing everything he did in order to one day become someone like L and prove the world that never believed in him he was actually someone who deserved being number one, Mello knew that but he also knew no one would ever understand why he wanted to accomplish those things so badly, even to the point of putting his own life at risk. But Mello wanted to at least try to make his wishes come true no matter what consequences it'd bring. He knew it was a horribly selfish of him, but he was human after all. It's only natural for human beings to try to reach "happiness" even if it meant reaching their happiness meant they'd be stealing someone else's away, after all someone's happiness comes from someone else's misery.

Everything wasn't simply because of the mere fun of it, it wasn't about just wanting to be "number one", it was about finding the meaning of his existence it prove it to himself.

With dreaded thoughts attacking his mind, he somehow managed to fall asleep…

It was a dreamless sleep. Like most were...

Yet...for some reason...

A falling sensation turning daydreams into hard facts, when reality becomes what he desires, for just that moment you can believe that everything is happy and bright and something still exists in this world and darkness hasn't crept over his vision, turning his eyes blind and his ears deaf.

Waking up in the morning, blinking, eyes blurrily registering the shapes on the ceiling, each bump, each shadow blending into the vast wasteland of dust and cobwebs that hung from his ceiling. Taking one hand, reaching for his face, rubbing at weary eyes. Tired eyes.

Getting up. Stare at his reflection. He didn't like the image of him, the scar covering his face, the bloodshot eyes, puffy. It reminded him of something dead and rotting, decaying, the world decaying all around him including those eyes. That wasn't living, that was surviving, that was opening one's eyes each morning and taking in all that disappointment and all that sorrow.

That was the only time. In the morning. Every morning. The only time to see him dead. All other times he was "alive". He was searing with strength and pride that burned to leave him as nothing but thin grey ash in the morning. It was when he felt weak. It was when he knew that everything was a lie, a pretense to keep him going because he didn't know any other way. He hated that person he was when he left his bedroom, who could pretend to be strong so easily, who could laugh and joke and feel. Because, the person he was now couldn't sense anything besides the clammy stench of decay which crept into his mind to haunt him.

He couldn't be honest. He couldn't feel remorse. He was willing to do anything for his own selfish dream. He was an egoist looking for any way to accomplish what he wanted, something to give him a feeling he wanted in the mornings when the fog covered everything. He didn't know if that was living. He didn't know who to trust, which one of himself was the real one, the one who smiles, the one who feels. They were his personas covering a deeper sickness that left a decaying mold on his soul.

"Don't try and describe your sorrows to me. Do you feel it? That's all I want to know. When you look deep into yourself, do you find yourself lingering in the moments of sadness or the moments of joy?"

It was like he could never explain to anyone what that absence in his heart was because as soon as he stepped out of his bedroom door he was too caught up in everything to quite remember its feeling. Yet, every morning was the same pain and the same overwhelming feeling of complete desolation, a wasteland of nothingness stretching far into the darkened sky, a desert of cracked earth reddened by the blood of those who starved on its terrain. The crackling storm overhead brewed. Looking beyond into the horizon, a darkness so deep and so penetrating, only to find it was merely the mirror surface of a watery barrier reflecting his soul, a realization that stung with the bitter taste of truth.

To escape…what a fantasy. This was reality. This was life. This was all that he had ever been able to grasp for himself. A different world, just a desire. A longing from so terribly long ago. A soul can only fight for so long before it becomes weakened beyond repair. Despair has a nasty way of eating away at the threads that tie your sanity together, no longer knitted in neat rows, the mind begins to seek other ways to comfort itself. The mind desires, as the heart beats but no longer can provoke hope.

Never running. Merely hiding. Hiding behind the hard shell he used to protect his real self. Hide the skeleton of your soul in order to protect it, its flesh long been torn and ripped from its frame. What was once vibrant and full of life has now been drained, endless running wearing down on the feet of a once angry victim.

There is nothing left to the self-other than what he could pretend was there. If he managed that then everything else, the thoughts, the feelings, anger, the hate, could all disappear on an unending list of hurtful things that had happened to him since his undesired birth. There was never enough time to feel sorry for all those things, so he plastered his fake face on and left out his bedroom door to become his other self again.

The mind awakens, the dreams cease.

Darkness.

Hate was broiling in that consuming darkness. Festering in the recesses of his tormented mind.

The faces of those he despised were blurring and morphing into a single, mocking face. It all led back to that moment when he was sunk deepest into despair. When he was so gruesomely betrayed that it had taken him years to see how awful a deed had been done to him. That's when the hate started to build, wanting to consume everything inside of him until he was left with nothing but red hot sickness that drove him mad.

Mello did not want that anger to go away because he knew that if it did, he would be swept into an emotion even more terrible than this…

There was no amount of hate he could ever feel that would wash away these feelings. He could hate himself and the world all the wanted but it would no more disappear than the scars that stayed in his soul for years afterwards.

Decoy. Rot. Filth.

A heart of…

Dying wretched thing.

The world constantly changing around him, spinning faster, sickly merry-go-round music, turning round and round, colors molding into darkness which holds all the potential in the world, a kind of brilliance where nothing exists.

He didn't know why he bothered.

He finally decided to leave that room of his. It was driving him insane. He didn't want to be alone with his thoughts and feelings. He wanted all that to go away but he knew that was impossible.

The only thing he could do was look for a distraction, someone who could take his mind off those things and make his fake self return. It was better to lie to himself for a while instead of being alone with the truth…

But he couldn't find any of the distractions he was looking for.

Shiki wasn't around, neither was Matt.

He glanced at the clock on the wall, which he always considered useless until now, and realized his friends weren't around because it was 4AM.

But that wouldn't stop him.

He needed something right now. For some reason, what he needed was someone to be with him. It wasn't like someone could understand, so there was no need to talk since it'd only be a waste of air to try to explain things. No one but himself could understand…yet not even himself understood at the same time.

If only to see…

There was a better time and place with good feelings lying after his dream. But now there was so much feeling, but not the feeling he truly wanted, the feeling he used in order to deceive and protect himself. Boiling anger with a core of numbness.

Unable to be touched by anything. Limited in order to protect.

That was it.

He had to put an end to it. He'd stop thinking about everything.

Without second thoughts he opened the door to Shiki's room.

A startled Shiki stared back at him, sitting on her bed almost looking like a perfect lonely and broken porcelain doll.

She didn't say a word.

Moving to a side of her bed, she silently invited Mello to lie down with her.

He did.

Somehow the silence between her and him muffled the screams of his mind.

She cautiously reached her hand to graze his cheek with it.

His burned skin didn't feel anything under her touch, but at the same time it felt different.

She was being so careful, as if afraid she could break him.

Mello locked eyes with her.

Those blue eyes of her had sorrow written all over them.

He knew she was just like him.

Those were her true eyes.

She moved her hand so softly he barely felt it.

Her slender fingers brushed his scar with a feather-light touch, removing the hair hiding his features.

Mello could see through the disguise Shiki hid under.

It was just like him.

When she cut herself loose from the endless cycle, she sealed the spinning. When she became a shell with a fake smile plastered on her face, it was only so she didn't have to deal with what she didn't want all the time. Still he did not blame her.

- "We lost our faith a long time ago, didn't we?" she quietly whispered, almost to herself

Mello wondered often if he was that beast preying on those around him. A beast cannot bring happiness to the world neither can it get happiness, merely suffering. A dark suffering. A beast is the fog that blinds and kills mothers and their children. A beast is the fire that consumes everything in its path, it is a cancerous infection that slowly drains the life and the dignity from its victims. His own selfishness was what made him that beast...

-"Mello…You will forget the pain. It will pass you by like a bad dream. You will go on to smile, to yearn, to hope and dream. It is the only thing humans can do because those that let all wither around them as it does inside them will be transformed into beings incapable of emotion" Shiki quietly said

Incapable of emotion.

In his case, that wouldn't be a bad thing.

How does one return from this state? How can one hope for salvation? To realize you're the scourge upon humanity for the results of your over-confidence and selfishness? When you are what you hate… Is it not expected for you to change it then?

Mello tried to believe in Shiki's words.

He was processing what she just said and carving it into his memory.

Maybe one day her words would come true and he'd be able to have his true smile back…but he didn't even remember if he ever had a real one to begin with.

It's not like he wanted to be with her at that moment, showing weakness. Rather it's that he didn't want to be alone.

Her eyes gazed at him with such a deep longing to be loved, with such sorrow reflecting in them. In the way that showed the neglect, the shadowy dull tint to her eyes. She had never given up on him, on Matt but she had given up on herself. That look was forever frozen on her face, the last emotion she would ever feel as life day by day escaped her body.

A tingling feeling of numbness and warmth, his despair joined hers.

The intense desire for something unknown, for the embrace of another's arms wrapping around himself to remind him he was still human.

Inside he was feeling colder and colder.

She wanted to scream. She wanted to scream so loud that he would begin to exist in happiness for once and for all, but she couldn't. She wanted to erase forever all those reasons why Mello was in despair.

In time we all fade, until we're nothing but dust on the ground, the memories of our lives squashed and trampled by the everyday events of the lives of the ones who claimed to love us. It will end like that, an unsatisfying eulogy of heartbreaking failures, broken wings, and the hollow resonance of what was once considered to be so great.

Even if it all faded she wanted to at least try to do something right before it did.

She wanted to know she was at least able to make someone happy and leave happy memories in them.

While Mello was with her...they could make memories.

The only thing that can't be stolen.

The only place where some people can be happy.

Yet shadows of past, a glum memory of loneliness sometimes.

She didn't care if she had to die, she just wanted Mello to be happy.

If she couldn't find happiness for herself then she'd help him find his.

After all, her dreams ended the day he met him. She killed her own dreams in order to try to give life to his.

Even though it didn't happen.

Their eyes were locked together.

Those eyes with similar emotions shining in them.

Those eyes that now revealed their truth, revealed how broken they are.

Somehow, those tale-telling orbs managed to be closed, leaving Mello and Shiki to drift into a dreamless sleep.

_Ok,so...i'm sorry if i made Mello a little too OOC..._


	12. Humble desires

_Sorry but the lemon's not coming very soon yet...but have some Mello masturbation moment here xD (not really graphical though...)_

_Disclaimer: Death Note/its characters don't belong to me_

Shiki woke to find she was rather warm. She blinked her eyes open and yawned loudly. There was a mass of blonde hair resting on her pillow next to her and she gave a small smile. Mello had inadvertently snuggled against her in the middle of the night. Shiki traced the man's sharp facial features with one hand. She knew better than to act on instinct and kiss the sleeping blonde. She knew Mello would be grumpy waking that way and would probably be pissy with her for the rest of the day.

Instead, Shiki stretched and wiggled out of the blankets without waking the boy next to her. What she really wanted to do was lie there, letting Mello's warmth soak into her body and just feel what it was like to have him so close, but it felt wrong. Shiki could tease all she wanted, but when Mello was asleep and unaware of the situation she felt like she was violating something, something that she didn't want to cross. Even though it didn't seem like it, she had some sense of respect.

Now it was a new day. It was time to put on the eternal disguise, though she didn't even know if it was still a disguise or if it had morphed to become her real self. She didn't know which one was real anymore and that made her hate herself even more for being unable to decipher something she should be able to but now it wasn't the time to think about such things.

She wandered down the hallway and into the living room and saw that the couch was empty. Shiki glanced over at the door of Matt's room and saw it was closed(not that it was open most of the time anyways) . Shiki shrugged it off. It would only make sense that Matt would be in a hurry to leave, probably because he feared Mello could get mad and accuse him of being a slacker. Not that Shiki was particularly worried. Matt never failed in any task he was assigned and could take care of himself. He could manage by himself just fine, unlike her. She didn't worry about Matt disappearing but she did miss him or felt something similar to that when he was gone, partly because he was the one who bossed her around when Mello was gone and that made her keep going, otherwise she'd just sleep for the whole day. Not that Matt was very different, he was just as lazy as her but the difference was he was willing to leave behind that laziness just so he could avoid Mello's short temper.

After a moment, Shiki was focused on a different problem, her grumbling stomach. She picked at a couple pieces of leftover pizza that had been left out overnight, but found its hardness not to be a pleasing one. Giving up, knowing that she was most likely to burn the whole apartment complex if she tried cooking alone she returned to the bedroom to find Mello sleepily stirring and smacking an alarm clock blindly with one hand.

Shiki smiled and turned the alarm off for him. She then jumped on the bed, making Mello's body bounce and the sleepy man to grumble loudly.

-"MelloMello, I'm hungry" she whined, tugging the blonde's t-shirt childishly.

Mello gave a sleepy mumble, blinking his eyes open wearily.

-"Fucking hell, Shiki, go away. I'll even let you have chocolate if you stop being so damn annoying…so just go" he muttered making gestures with his hands, motioning Shiki to just disappear

-"that's a good offer but…let me just honor you with my presence for a little longer" Shiki told him happily, wrapping her arms around him

Yes, she knew Mello was hating that. She knew she was being annoying as hell but still it was too funny to see Mello in his current half-asleep state grumbling curses and trying to get rid of her but failing miserably. She always hated the kind of girls that only bugged boys in order to get their attention but that was what she was doing now, she should be hating herself but instead she was too busy trying to hold her laughter.

-"I told you to fucking leave, woman…is your brain not working this morning? I wanna sleep" Mello whined again trying to shake her off him

She then climbed on top of Mello's stomach, shaking him as a child would.

Mello pushed at her rather weakly.

-"Get the hell off me, fucking idiot. It's too early in the morning for this"

The brunette smiled broadly.

-"I'll get off when you agree to let me stay" she told him playfully

Mello attempted to sit up but Shiki's bodyweight was effectively holding him down. Rather ticked at being bothered so early in the morning, Mello pushed roughly back against Shiki, attempting to dislodge her. He was rather unsuccessful, only managing in pushing Shiki off the bed, subsequently Shiki pulling him off the bed so that the girl landed with a loud thud on her back and Mello on top on her, so they were in the reverse position, with Mello now straddling Shiki.

Her eyes widened and there was a look in them Mello couldn't read.

-"fucking ow" Shiki whimpered, rather stunned by the impact

-"don't have to be so rough, yknow, I woulda done it willingly" she continued with a mix of playfulness but still affected by her fall, which seemed to have been more painful than Mello had intended, not that he ever intended to make both of them fall to being with

Mello quickly scrambled to get off and Shiki reluctantly let him, a disappointed look on her face.

-"who said I was going to do something, stupid? I'll go...make breakfast or something..." Mello spoke rather awkwardly as Shiki slowly rose from the floor, giving Mello a grin

Mello shook his head as he walked out of the room and into the kitchen. Shiki was just something else.

She was like most girls he met throughout his life, always begging for his attention, but she had another way of doing so. It always amused Mello how she was always so absent-minded and did the stupid things she did in order to get his attention. Sure, it could be annoying sometimes but deep down he accepted the fact that without her stupidity his life would be plain boring, he'd still have Matt and the gamer's stupidity to be entertained but it just wasn't the same and there was no way he'd let Matt do the same things Shiki did. Even though Mello would never admit it, he did feel Matt and Shiki were like the family he never had, so that meant the little affection he could feel was only for them.

Mello was smiling to himself thinking of those 2 people who were his dysfunctional family until he noticed the mess of dishes that lay scattered across the counters and in the sink and he let out a grunt.

-"damn it…Matt" He murmured

He looked at the clock. He was supposed to be gathering information long time ago.

Sighing, he pulled open the small fridge and saw that he was running low on groceries as well. Running a hand through his blonde hair, he turned away from the kitchen and saw Shiki watching him from the hallway.

-"I can go to the grocery store if you want or go gather some information or monitoring too...eh…whatever makes you happy" Shiki commented trying to cheer him up, seeing the downcast look on Mello's face

She knew that Mello shouldn't be bothered by such trivial things as an empty fridge when he had his mind focused on Kira so it was no wonder that it was either her fault or Matt's the fridge was in its current condition, but she decided it was most likely it was her fault since she was the one who was always around without being as busy as them. And she could tell from the look on his face that he was now blaming her as well or at least that was what his glare seemed to be doing.

-"I'm going to take a shower. You, get ready for school" Mello said after a pause, shaking the sleep from his mind and refocusing on the tasks at hand

-"eh…remember when I told you I was quitting school? You agreed so I guess that means no school for me" shiki told him rather awkwardly

Mello looked thoughtful for a moment but then left without saying anything.

Shiki decided to be useful and go to the grocery store, for her friends' sake and for her grumbling stomach's as well.

-:-:-:-

As the writer of this story you're now reading and as protagonist in it as well(which I should've revealed earlier) I might add a few comments or remarks from my personal points of views in the stage of my life when all these events occurred, yet sometimes it's a little difficult since I wasn't part in all of them so I have to make them up a little bit or make some assumptions, but it's not like I'm exaggerating facts in huge aspects. I knew Mello well enough to know what troubled his mind just as I knew Shiki but I never really knew what was going on inside those complex minds of theirs so that's where I make my assumptions.

Anyhow, as the writer I have to...and I have to write everything exactly as it went before I forget it. I might add some inaccurate facts and maybe some events that might've never actually happened and I just suppose they did and I'm telling this because now I'm only making an assumption about a future event. Now that I believe I have ruined the course of the story I shall stop myself from adding my own opinion plus, I think you shouldn't know just yet who is writing this and with what purpose but you can make some guesses until I reveal it.

Now, this might be a little awkward for me to write since I never really saw Mello as more than a brother to me. I always knew he felt deep emotions for Shiki and so did she for him so I know at least some things happened between them or when they were alone thinking of each other (if you know what I mean?) before...well, you'll find out, but not now...I have ruined my own story of my past, haven't I? I've never been a good narrator but as this was part of what happened to me I was confident enough to not let that stop me.

Now let's get back to Mello and those thoughts of his...

The water felt amazingly refreshing against Mello's dirty skin as he turned his face up to the soft spray, his eyes closed tightly as he enjoyed the sensation. Another day to go through, wasting more and more of his life doing things that'd probably take him nowhere. Soon, he hoped he'd be able to have the future he wanted and start living life the way that he wanted, get rid of those useless feelings of uneasiness of him and prove the people occupying his place as L's successor he was not the failure they thought he was.

He sighed, his mind casually turning to thoughts of Shiki for some reason. Mello's first impression when he saw her standing in front of his apartment's door was that the girl was seriously messed up. Throughout his life Mello hadn't missed out on Shiki's little obsessions with keeping everything to herself and push away people immediately after they tried to befriend her and also her need to do things perfectly(she was a slacker but when she did something she did it flawlessly). Shiki was obviously traumatized by something, but who was Mello to talk? He was pretty screwed up himself.

Besides that, Shiki was still 17, but…Mello had to admit, Shiki didn't look half bad. He could understand why he would put up with all the negatives to their relationship. Maybe a subconscious lust for the girl? Most likely. He could just imagine what Shiki would be like in the physical aspects. He could remember, barely…

Pale creamy skin danced in front of his eyes, full lips parted and panting. That intoxicating innocence that seemed to hang about her thin frame as she trembled and begged with heated whispers and moans. To have that body willing and lying beneath him, completely at his mercy. Staring into those blue eyes clouded with passion and lust for him and only him, everything was worth it then. Shiki timidly parting her legs, so incredibly willing to be ravished. Tasting the eagerness on her lips, feeling her body move hungrily with his own and building a passionate flame that left the brunette screaming in ecstasy.

Mello felt his body tense at the image and he couldn't help but let one of his hands drift down between his legs where he laid one hand on his tightening groin. Okay, so maybe Shiki was incredibly arousing, but Mello wasn't interested in pursuing any type of relationship with the brunette, friendship was enough. He couldn't let the same things happen. He couldn't break her. Besides, he wasn't interested in other people, the situation going on in his life didn't let him and neither his lack of attraction to other girls, but damn if his body agreed with him right now.

His hand worked anxiously up and down his hardening shaft as more images of a seductive Shiki assaulted his mind. Why did the thought of that girl writhing beneath him turn him on so badly? Why did that happen at that moment? His body trembled as he tilted his head back, the water spraying down his naked body, his hand moving faster with growing enthusiasm. His hips began to impatiently thrust as he imagined Shiki's lips closing tight around him and the warm wet expanse of her mouth encasing him. A deep groan escaped Mello's lips as his eyes squeezed shut. He was so close he could feel his stomach tightening. Just a few more strokes…

Mello came suddenly, water mixing with semen as it smeared across his bare skin. He let out the breath that he hadn't even known he had been holding, and leaned against the shower wall, letting his heart slow from its rapid beating. That was unexpected. He had never jerked off to the thought of her before.

-"Just another reason why she should hate me" Mello muttered bitterly to himself as he went about cleaning up the mess that he had made.

-:-:-:-:-

Shiki left the apartment after a quick change of clothes and putting on some black eyeliner like she always did.

Her reason to leave was the sense of guilt for the fact it was her fault the fridge lacked of food since she didn't do the shopping she was supposed to do.

Going to a grocery store to buy a couple of things didn't take long so there was no excuse for not going, not a good one, that is.

As Shiki was walking in the cold streets and getting weird looks every now and then she was thinking about Mello.

Then her thoughts went to Matt, wondering what the red-head was up to at such an early time…

-:-:-:-:-:-:

His eyes were following the movements of a boring woman from an apartment nearby hers.

That woman was definitely one of Kira's allies and it was obvious she had something to do with his murders since she lately has been meeting with Yagami Light more often.

He vaguely wondered if Yagami had broken up with that Misa girl he used to be dating…that girl might've been dumber than a doornail but she certainly didn't have the looks of one.

Then again, Yagami didn't seem to be the kind of guy who only likes a girl for her looks. Matt was sure Light only liked the girls who he could take advantage of and use his charm to get whatever he wanted.

Matt thought only girls used their looks to get what they wanted but he was proven wrong when he found about Yagami.

He shook his head trying to vanish those trivial thoughts from his mind.

His attention returned to Takada.

He was too concentrated thinking about Yagami Light's habits and girlfriends to notice now Takada was talking to a blonde woman, Halle Ridner, one of the many body guards Takada had.

He watched them carefully, trying to figure out the situation. It was hard to know what was going on if he couldn't hear what they were saying.

Damn Shiki for never installing bugs in that woman's apartment.

He saw they were about to leave once he could see Takada putting on a coat, later proceeding to cover half of her face with huge sunglasses. Why did that woman dress like she was one of those Hollywood stars? She was just the pawn of a murderer.

The sound of his tongue clicking was louder than he expected it to come out.

He rushed out of the room to go to his car, taking out a cigarette to lit it and leave traces of smoke on his way.

That woman's attitude bothered him. A lot. Even though he didn't know her Matt fell in hate with her from the very beginning.

Same was for Mikami. That man was should've been put in a mental asylum ages ago…the guy was a psycho hidden under the appearance of a clean-freak obsessed with his time schedules.

Then again, that made it easier for Matt to find out about Mikami. He was a predictable man of habit after all.

His job was half-done.

Takada was going either to Sakura TV station or going to see Yagami, and Mello would be pissed if Matt didn't bring any new information.

How Matt hated Sakura TV couldn't be put into words.

He simply despised how they were always praising Kira, even to the point of dedicating hours of pointless talk-shows to discuss about that guy.

Matt quickly got in his car and watched Takada being escorted by Ridner to a black car.

As soon as the car Takada was in moved, so did Matt's.

From a safe distance he'd follow them until he found out where they were actually going to take Takada.

Mikami had long ago left his apartment to go to his job so Matt didn't let his mind worry about the man.

-:-:-:-:-:-:-

Mello sat on his bed, dreading the fact he had to see Shiki again.

He wondered if she even was in the apartment but assumed she wasn't since he couldn't hear anything coming from the other rooms. He decided to use that for his benefit and take his mind off the thoughts he dreaded by writing down his conclusion of the things going on until that moment.

He found the notebook he used to write everything he considered important, yet when he started to read what was written on it he found it to be incomplete for its lack of details about his investigation.

That was a true quandary because Mello was the type to worry over the most nominal of concerns. He was easily frustrated to the point of anger, which made it difficult for other people to get along with him. He never meant to be that way, but he couldn't deny that he was definitely different from everyone.

He saw no other choice but to write down everything he had found out until that moment.

It'd take him time but he had plenty of it now.

-:-:-:-:-

When Shiki returned to the apartment she heard the sound of the shower reaching her ears.

She left all the bags of things she bought fall on the couch and left the apartment once again.

If she wasn't going to go to school she was going to do something productive with her time instead.

Shiki felt herself wobble and she hastily pulled out her cell phone, her fingers sliding over familiar buttons. She better call Matt right now.

-:-:-:-:-

Matt shifted uncomfortably in his seat, letting the cold wind from the open window disarray his spikes of hair and hit his face with the cool of the day. He was feeling sleepy again but the annoying task he had to get done and driving didn't let him take two seconds for Matt to shut his eyes and get a little snooze in.

-"damn it…" Matt muttered tetchily, drumming his fingers on plastic of the car door.

Pulling out a cigarette without thinking twice, he shook his head, digging into his pocket and pulling out his lighter. He lit his cigarette appreciatively, enjoying his second smoke of the day, not that it wasn't a quite a while since the last time he smoked.

The traffic was slow and Matt surmised it had something to do with the flashing of lights up ahead. Probably an accident.

Matt snorted and dug through his belongings, intending to find something to kill his boredom.

Before Matt could dig any further, a ring was heard from the pocket of his jeans. The red-head dug into the pocket of his pants, pulling out his cell and flipping it hastily open.

-"hey baby! I was just thinking about you and how much I love you…"he murmured with a grin on his face

Curses came from the other line.

Matt, grinning and resting his cheek on one hand, stared out at the buildings around him, watching as people walked busily by. Some were people his age, out with their friends, with their boyfriends or girlfriends, smiling happily and gazing shyly at each other. Others were older, some walking hurriedly with briefcases, some just strolling, some incredibly old and hobbling precariously along. It invoked a bizarre feeling in his chest, watching these people meander by, studying each and every expression as the car inched along through traffic.

-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-

-"So where are you?" shiki asked after her friend decided to leave his jokes aside

-"ah, yknow…somewhere out here in this cruel world...being a poet" Matt joked

Well, apparently he couldn't talk seriously for more than 2 minutes but Shiki couldn't help letting out a brief laugh.

-"nah, I'm here kinda stuck…there must've been some accident here so traffic is more hellish than usual" he continued

Shiki sighed, a tired smile on her face.

She was pretty sure Matt might've gotten stuck while following Takada.

That woman always seemed to cause troubles…

-"if you could be more specific it'd be great…"Shiki retorted sarcastically, a smile never leaving her lips

Matt chuckled.

He didn't even know the answer himself.

He never paid attention to the name of the streets. He never did it before so why would he bother now? Even more if these were Japanese streets with Japanese names he didn't even know how to pronounce.

-"it's a street and there are many cars…there, a full description…c'mon dude, you should know better…!you put that bugging device thing in MY car a while ago so use it, there's no need for me to be specific…ah, wait, they're moving"

Shiki blinked confused. Matt hung up.

His hopes of being out of the traffic jam ended as soon as he realized the other cars ahead of him moved no more than a few inches.

It seemed he was going to be there for a long time..

His phone rang again. Opening it to answer, he saw it was Shiki.

-"you're still stuck there, aren't you?" she asked already suspecting the answer

-"do I really have to answer that?" Matt asked back with a bored tone in his voice

He heard her chuckle and a smile crept to his face.

That girl might be an idiot but somehow she managed to make him happy.

-"I'll go look for you, my darling" she told him with a dramatic tone

They should be talking about serious matters but there was plenty of time for that.

Besides, Mello wasn't there keeping an eye on them so they could be as lazy as they wanted, still that was more than a bit of a bad thing to do so they'd have to avoid it in order to make their blonde friend happy.

-"sure you will…you can't live without ruining my day, huh?" he retorted grinning, pulling out another cigarette

-"you call it ruining, I call it gracing you with my presence…whatever, I'll be there in…20. I guess you won't move from there so see ya" she said before hanging up

By now she was already sitting on her motorcycle. Her phone was kept safe in her backpack and a black helmet was securely protecting her head as well as making it seem she was breathing in a bubble of hot air with it on.

Matt ,meanwhile, watched the other people in their cars looking for some sort of amusement in seeing them.

-"better hurry the hell up, Airay" he mumbled to himself

-:-:-:-

Mello decided it was best to do something productive instead of being there analyzing his own life. It was better to analyze other's life in this stage of his, and when he thought of other's life he meant those who were playing the pitiful role of Kira in this sick world that praises mass murderers.

So far, there were enough conclusions drawn. He was starting to get impatient.

If he didn't make any move then Near was going to win in this twisted chess match in which the winner would be the one to get Kira's head.

Mello wasn't doing any of this because he wanted to bring justice to the world. The world would keep on being a disgusting place with or without Kira.

Near was doing this out of justice. Mello wasn't.

This was being done for L and for himself.

Before proceeding to do something he had to think, carefully.

-:-:-:-:-:-

-"19 minutes 57 seconds" a voice came from behind Matt

He turned around startled to see Shiki watching him with a sweet smile.

-"you're creepy as hell, dude…" he responded looking at her wide-eyed

True she liked creeping people out.

He never understood how she could do anything and go unnoticed as if she were some kind of ghost. Perhaps that was one of her most respectable skills…

-"I'm loveable as hell" she replied chuckling

He ignored her comment, still trying to figure out how she got into his car.

She moved on the backseat weirdly.

As soon as she did that, next thing that happened was Matt seeing her sitting next t him.

-"hi" she greeted him sounding extra- creepy

As if she wasn't creepy enough already….

-"cut it out, you look like you've gotten out of one of those weird jap horror movies…just look at your face" he told her pointing at the mirror

She did look at herself and found out why Matt seemed to be freaking out.

She was paler than usual with dark shadows under her eyes plus the eyeliner she had applied earlier had gotten smeared, and to add more creepiness her hair was a mess.

-"I look like a panda...pandas are awesome, therefor I'm awesome too" she joked tilting her head up proudly

Matt shook his head and proceeded to ruffle her hair, earning giggles from the girl.

-"you need to start taking that treatment of yours more seriously, Shiki…and stop eating junk, you know the junk belongs to me" he said mimicking her previous expression by tilting his head up proudly and folding his arms jokingly

Maybe she did need to start taking those pills for anemia and sleeping more too. If Matt was that worried about it, then it really was something to worry about.

However…

-"ok, I get it, I get it…now, what did you find about Takada today?" she asked curious

He looked at her only half-interested in the subject.

-"she's definitely helping Kira…if she's spending basically 24/7 with Yagami, do you think it's because they're bffs or something? I don't, that woman is definitely one of Kira's minions in this stupid crap" he responded before taking a long drag of probably the 20th cigarette he's had in the day

Matt wasn't stupid. And it didn't take much IQ to figure out Takada was helping Light with something. Sure there was the possibility of the two of them being mere lovers but still that didn't seem to fit. Light was engaged to Misa, or at least that's what Matt knew.

Takada was Kira's spokesman (spokeswoman, if we're going to get technical). Another reason to suspect of her.

There was enough evidence to believe she was one of Kira's allies.

Matt saw Shiki to find her looking thoughtful.

-"you think the same, don't you?" he asked just to be sure

She looked at him instantly.

-"she's the weakest link in this chain…no, the second weakest. She's got all those morons for bodyguards and 'Kira's Kingdom' protection. It's not safe to go any further with her if we already know there's enough evidence incriminating her. We know enough about her. If somehow she finds out about us then we're done for" Shiki stated with a blank look

There wasn't any emotion in her voice, neither in her eyes. It was almost as if she had turned into a different person.

-"As for Mikami…he's the first weak link. Yet the most difficult one to break, I assume. The guy's loyalty to Kira goes to the point of insanity so we won't be able to get anything from him…but the notebook" she continued

Matt knew where her assumptions were going. She was going to explain things better once they were with Mello.

After a few, yet long minutes of silence, the traffic in the distance didn't seem to be moving.

-"Matt…" she called him in an emotionless voice

He looked at her in a way to tell her she had his attention.

-"Maybe, just maybe…if I talked with Near and the SPK team, do you think Mello would hate me and kill me in a slow and painful way?" she asked without looking at him

Matt doubted for a minute before answering.

-"I doubt the slow killing would happen, but yeah, I don't think he's gonna love you if he finds out you talked to Near" he responded, though he didn't really know the outcome if such thing happened

Shiki personally thought Mello would be a hypocrite if he indeed got mad at her for talking to Near since he himself did talk to the boy before and one could say he practically helped him.

It was simply a thought of Shiki to check on the SPK to see what they were up to. She assumed it might be helpful for both of them. Sure they were like enemies(from Mello's part ,that is) but they were fighting for the same cause, which was to stop Kira.

Neither Shiki nor Matt had something against Near but they'd avoid contact with him or even mentioning him since that made Mello be in a moodier state.

The cars ahead of them slowly started to move.

-"ah, I guess this is where I take my leave" she mumbled getting out of the car

She looked at Matt grinning and waved at him before disappearing.

Other points to add to Shiki's creepiness: her look when she was thinking seriously and her sudden attitude changes.

Matt remained there, seeing the cars ahead of him starting to move and getting ready to move his own.

He found himself thinking of the possibility Shiki talked about and making his own assumptions.

-:-:-:-:-:-

Mello heard the door being closed less loudly than usual.

He couldn't tell if it was Shiki or Matt since both of them had irregular ways of closing that abused door.

He seemed to be the only one who closed it normally often, yet he wasn't that much of one to talk since sometimes he could be the one who closed that door even louder than Matt and Shiki together.

-"honey, I'm home…!"

Shiki…

Now that the strange feelings from earlier were gone he was almost happy to know the silly brunette was there.

It didn't take her long to find him since she suspected he'd be in the monitoring room.

-"missed me?" she asked wrapping her arms around him from behind

He faked a scoff.

-"as if…why did you come back so early?" he asked jokingly with a grin on his face

-"yeah, I love you too… don't be so excited to see me" she retorted sarcastically

Mello couldn't help chuckling a little.

In reality, he did miss her. Then again, he'd never tell her. If he did, Shiki would pester him for probably a lifetime…

He practically hadn't seen her in the whole day. Only for a few minutes in the morning…

He was surprised for how long they haven't seen each other on that day.

-"I got some news for you, my beloved" she announced with a grin

Mello raised an eyebrow intrigued.

-"but let's talk later when Matt arrives… you ok with that?" she asked him smiling

He nodded.

Mello was sure it had something to do with Kira or the people involved in that mess. That was what most of their "meeting talks" were about. This was going to be either about new evidence or conclusions drawn by Matt and Shiki.

_Done...until next chap, dear stranger/reader._

_Thanks for reading, by the way...! :D_


End file.
